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Answer: On the surface I would say, no, and my reasons for this would be as follows:
I have seen too many people who claim to be ‘Christians,’ but they turn out to be frauds. It is easy to say one is something, but it is another thing to show it. No, none of us are perfect and we won’t be until we get to heaven, but a person who shows no real signs that they are living for the Lord, will continue that way unless a real miracle takes place in their life. You should pray that this would happen. If that miracle takes place, after some time has passed, and that person is still living for the Lord Jesus, then maybe you could rethink your decision. That is, of course, if you or they have not married.
Even though there has been premarital sex, and a child is the result, this is not a good reason to get married. The two individuals need to first get their lives straightened out with the Lord before something worse happens. As the old saying goes, two wrongs don’t make a right! I can’t tell for sure, but I am assuming that you are speaking of yourself, so I will answer the question from that viewpoint.
As far as my Scriptural basis for this, lets look at what St. Paul has to say. "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God.
"As God has said: ‘I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.’ Therefore ‘Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty.’" (2 Corinthians 6:14-18)
According to Judge Judy, 52 percent of marriages are ending in divorce right now. If you start your marriage on a wrong footing, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You might think, "But I have a child already--who will marry me?" Believe me, you would be better off not getting married than to get into a marriage that will cause you heartache for years to come. It would be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
You may say, "What should I do?" First, you want to make sure that you have confessed your past sins. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) Then you want to find a good Christian church, one that preaches the Bible. You will know it is a church that believes the Bible if the people use their Bibles, and bring them to church. You also want a church that is friendly.
You want to go to church regularly. We live in one of those states that have the dubious reputation of having a very high percentage rate of people who do not attend church. But God tells us in His word, as we see the time of His return drawing nearer that we should be going to church even more, not less. "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24-25)
When you go to church and fellowship with one another it is like that last verse mentioned, we can stir up love and good works in each other. It is like several logs on the fire, they will burn real well, but one by itself doesn’t do very well. The same is true of us spiritually. That’s why we need each other’s fellowship. "…that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. And these things we write to you that your joy may be full." (1 John 3b-4)
You will want to make it a habit to read the Bible every day, morning and evening. "This Book of the Law [the Bible] shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success." (Joshua 1:8) We have a daily Bible reading (meditation) chart that you might be interested in. It takes you through the whole Bible in two years. You will read through the New Testament more than twice a year, along with the Psalms and Proverbs. Also you will read one chapter from the Old Testament and one from the New Testament each day.
You will need to have a time of prayer with the Lord everyday. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)
The reason I am sharing all of this with you is because the Lord is more concerned with your immediate need of living for Him, than He is about plans for marriage. When you are living for the Lord, then, and only then can you pray and God will give you the desires of our heart. "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." (Matthew 6:33)
So to answer your question, no, a Christian should not marry her child’s father who is a backslider. I have seen two many marriages that ended in divorce for that very reason. The person claimed to be a Christian, but they showed their true colors after the marriage, when it was impossible to undo what had been done. If this person gets right with the Lord, and lives that way for sometime, then with prayer God would give you wisdom as what to do. Therefore, it is not wise to rush into a relationship until both Christians are ready to start a godly Christian home together. "But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring." (Malachi 2:15a) It is hard to be one when you are both going two different directions.
I hope this helps,
Gary T. Panell
The Scripture used in this discussion is taken from the New King James Version of the Holy Bible.
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To view other questions visit our Interactive Bible Study Page or read some of our Christian Literature at Bible-Christian.org
Keywords: saved, unsaved, unequally yoked, unevenly yoked