Bible Study Discussions with Gary Panell
Question: Is kissing and lovemaking, excluding sex only recommended for a Christian love relationship before marriage?
Answer: The answer to that isn't as easy as it seems to be at first glance. One of the things that would have to be defined is lovemaking.
The dictionary defines lovemaking as: 1. Sexual activity, esp. sexual intercourse. 2. Courtship
Going on this definition, I would have to say that lovemaking would not be acceptable in God's sight for Christians to engage in before marriage.
God wants us to be pure and undefiled before marriage. He tells us to flee youthful lusts. “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2Timothy 2:22)
God also tells us that the marriage bed is undefiled. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4) This verse is telling us that sex within marriage is good. However, outside of marriage, it is considered fornication or adultery.
Jesus tells us that if a man looks at a woman to lust after her, he has committed adultery in his heart. "You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5: 27, 28)
If a man is doing things with a woman that would cause him to think about having sex with her, then what he is doing is wrong. That doesn't mean that thoughts won't come to a man's mind, because they will. However; he doesn't have to entertain those thoughts or do things that cause those thoughts to come. (Such as look at pornography.)
We have some questions on our discussion page that are related to your question and will probably answer some of your questions on this topic.
There is also an excellent speaker who can not only answer some of these questions, but can give reasons why it is important to stay pure before marriage. Her name is Pam Stenzel. You can go to her website, www.pamstenzel.com and you can view a demonstration of her talks. The website also gives an opportunity to purchase her videos.
You can also access her talks through YouTube. This is the address for YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0ezYNWIDB0 After you get to YouTube, just put Pam Stenzel in the Search box. There are 6 parts to her talk, and you can view all 6 parts at this site.
You sound like someone who wants to honor God in your relationships with others. Remember a man should not push a woman to go further than God intended, which is to keep the relationship pure, and the woman should not tempt the man to want to go further than he should. We shouldn't try to see how close we can go to the line without crossing it, but should rather be looking out for and putting the other person's needs ahead of our own wants or needs.
I hope this helps you!
For more information e-mail me atTo view other questions visit our Interactive Bible Study Page or read some of our Christian Literature at Bible-Christian.org
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Gary Tomás Panell
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Keywords: sex, immorality, sexual purity, unequally yoked, love, one flesh