Bible Study Discussions with Gary Panell

Question: I have been married for nine years; my husband and I are going through a difficult period right now....he does not believe that he has to set boundaries for his family...He also has a niece and nephew living in another house next door to us, he pays their bills...when he comes to his family and does not agree with anything I have an opinion about...His family has become a burden to me, he and I have 3 children of our own...I have built up a lot of resentment towards them. Since we started having these problems he has turned to another woman...who has two children by him and a baby by her husband...He says she understands how he feels about his family...He recently bought airline tickets for them to come to the town where we live and he is paying for her to stay in a hotel...and he has taken our three children with him when he goes to spend time with her. I have decided to let him have this time with her, because I cannot do anything else. I am praying that he sees what he is doing as wrong, and come back to me. I have faith in God that he will bring my husband back to me. Am I fool to stick it out till the end, what scriptures can I use to aid in my final decision?

Answer: There are many things not said in your question and that makes it hard to give you an answer. You need to see a Bible-based counselor. This could be a pastor of a good Bible believing church or a Christian counselor. Here are some questions that would need to be answered:

1. Are you a born again believer? Do you go to church regularly?
2. Do you have daily devotions with God? (I mean by this, do you read the Bible and pray each day?) (Is your husband born again, and does your husband go to church regularly? Does your husband have devotions?)
3. What type of support base do you have? (Church, family, friends?)
4. Do you work outside of the home?

Are the children your husband has with the other woman from before you got married? If so accept these children as half brothers or sisters to your children. If they have been born since you were married you must still accept them as half brothers or sisters to your children-but they are as a result of infidelity. Is your husband faithful to you, or is he being unfaithful? Unfaithfulness is the only reason for divorce according to Jesus. "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32)

I'm not saying you should divorce, but if your husband is being unfaithful to you and does not want to change his behavior, it is time to at least separate from him. Your first priority is your relationship to God. Your second priority is to your husband. (As his should be to you.) "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." (Ephesians 5:22,25)

You need to sit down and talk about your marriage, your children, your home, and your finances. You need to set limitations on other family members as to access to your home and supporting financially. "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (1 Timothy 5:8)

Your third priority is to your children. You need to love and care for your children. There is never a reason to physically or verbally abuse our children. "And you, fathers (parents), do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) They are a gift from God and must be treated as a special gift from God who lovingly knit them together. "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward." (Psalm 127:3)

We are commanded to love them, teach them, and train them. You cannot let a bad relationship with your husband cause you to treat your children in any other way than with love.

These are the things you need to do:

1. Pray individually, as a couple, as a family.
2. Counseling, individually and as a couple.
3. Make changes you can make. You cannot change your husband, but you can change yourself. (Nagging your husband will only irritate him.)
4. Be a loving mother to your 3 children. Only you can give a mother's love to them. Be an example to your children.
5. Be the godly woman God designed you to be.

We are praying for you,

Marlene Panell

For more information e-mail me at

To view other questions visit our Interactive Bible Study Page or read some of our Christian Literature at Bible-Christian.org

Please feel free to contact Bible Christian:

Gary Tomás Panell
1211 Pollock Avenue
Zillah, Washington 98953
Email

The articles on this website may be freely copied and distributed. Source credit with a link to bible-christian.org would be appreciated.

Keywords: relatives, family, relations