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by Margaret R. Stark
V. (To figure) I understand that you talk to teens, Ralphie.
D. Sure, I'll talk to anyone, I even talk to myself.
V. No, I meant that you Answer Questions for teens.
D. Yes, I do.
V. Do they write to you about their problems?
D. Yes, sometimes, and I have some letters here to answer tonight.
V. Oh wonderful! Would you like me to read the questions?
D. Sure......let's get on with the show.
V. (Pick up letter) Here's the first one. "Dear Ralphie, what do you think of TALKING BACK to your parents?"
D. I'd think a LONG time!
V. This writer goes on to ask? Would there be a chance that you would be punished if you did?
D. No chance at all.....I COULD COUNT ON IT!
V. Then. your mother believed in strict discipline, huh, Ralphie?
D. I should say .....every HOUR ON THE HOUR!
V. Your mother would actually STRIKE you? But, didn't she use a Child Psychology book on you?
D. Sure...and anything ELSE she could get her hands on!
V. That's enough of that. Another teen writes: "Dear Ralphie, what do you think about CHAPERONES for dates?"
D. Sure, I'll take them out. I don't care what kind of JOB they have.
V. No Ralphie I don't believe that's what this writer meant. What do you think of having a Chaperone as an ESCORT on dates? (This means someone who goes with you and your date when you go out.}
D. Oh, yeah. Well, I had one.
V. You DID?
D. Yeah, my mother wanted to know WHERE I was, and WHAT I was doing, all the time.
V. Did you tell her?
D. If I didn't, my SISTER did!
V. How did she know?
D. She was my Chaperon!
V Was this your younger SISTER?
D. No my older sister
V. How old was she?
V. Hadn't she ever heard the saying, "Two is company, and three is a crowd"?
D. And six is a crowd.
D. She always took her three kids......and a yardstick.
V. Why did she take a yardstick?
D. Oh, we had to stay six inches apart.
V. What happened if you didn't?
D. I don't know! I could never get around my sister to find out!
V. Now, surely there was some way to get around your sister and a little closer to your date.
D. You don't know my SIS! Six-foot-six, 290 pounds. Why, they offered her the Left Guard position on the football team!
V. They did?
D. Yeah, First they suggested right guard....but she said she never used the stuff!
V. Well, did your sister always go with you on your dates?
D. Almost always. When she couldn't go she sent her DOG.
V. How could a dog keep you six inches apart?
D. It sat in the front seat.
V. Yes, but couldn't you get around a little ole dog?
D. It was a Saint Bernard!
V. That would make it a little crowded.
D. It sure was in that Volkswagen.
V. It sounds as if you and your date had a lot of problems.
D. Yea, and Susie had bad breath.
V. If you never got any closer than six inches, how did you know that?
D. She made the whole car smell.
V. Ralphie, why didn't you tactfully tell her of a mouth wash she could use?
D. I don't think it would have done any good.
V. You don't believe your girl friend would have listened to you?
D. Oh, Susie wasn't my girl friend!
V. Well, who was she?
D. Susie was the Saint Bernard.
V. Oh, well Ralphie, I'm sure teen-agers today are glad they don't have to have Chaperons.
D. They do have Chaperons.
V. No, Ralphie, I don't think so.
D. Yes, they do.
V. Well, perhaps a few teens have chaperons, but most don't.
D. Yes, all teen-agers have one chaperon.
V. Who are you talking about?
V. Oh, I see......I never thought of it that way. But it is true, Jesus is everywhere, so He would be with you on your dates also. As Christian young people, we should be proud to take Jesus with us wherever we go. When there are just two on a date, would your conversation or actions be any different if God in the flesh were sitting in the back seat of the car? Let's conduct ourselves in such a way that we would not be embarrassed even if Jesus were physically with us. Thank you for your talk to teens. Goodbye.
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