Question: What does the Bible say about a Christian lady sleeping in the same bed with her boyfriend, but they don’t have sex?
Answer: First, I would like to give you this Scripture. “Can a man [woman] take fire to his [her] bosom, and his [her] clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his [her] feet not be seared?” (Proverbs 6: 27-28)
Second, I would like to ask you, do you remember how the Bible talks about how Eve fell into sin? She got close enough to the forbidden tree to see what it looked like. Then Satan tempted her even more, he said, “you will not surely die.” “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes…” Genesis 3:1-6.
When we get close to the fire we get burned, it will happen every time. You might say, “Oh it won’t happen to me, I can have self-control.” These are the famous last words of countless people! Sharing a bed is only for a husband and wife, anything else is sin! “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
You have to realize that Satan is out to destroy as many of us as he possibly can. 1 Peter 5:8 reminds us. “Be sober, be vigilant: because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”
God wants us to be victorious in our lives, like Joseph. It says of him that when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him, he ran from temptation. He didn’t try to get into bed with her and see how close he could get to the fire without being burned. I believe we need to follow his Godly life style.
Joseph’s history is recorded for us in Genesis 39:7-12 in the Bible. “Now it came to pass after these things that his master’s [boss’s] wife cast longing eyes on Joseph, and she said. ‘Lie with me.’ But he refused…and told her ‘How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?’ And so it was, as she spoke to Joseph day by day, that he did not heed her, to lie with her or to be with her.
“But it happened about this time, when Joseph went into the house to do his work, and none of the men of the house was inside, that she caught him by his garment, saying, ‘Lie with me.’ But he left his garment in her hand, and fled and ran outside.” You see he did exactly what God wanted him to do, in order to overcome the temptation, he had to run from it, he had to get away from it.
Do Christians have these temptations? ‘YES.’ But God can help us to be victorious! When temptation comes, and it will come often, do what Jesus did when He was tempted by Satan, use the sword of the spirit, the Word of God! (Luke 4:1-13) “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)
So should you sleep in the same bed with someone when you are not married? Absolutely not! All that will happen is that you will get burned! There are several more questions similar to this subject just put the word ‘sex’ into the search.
Wait for God’s time and the spouse He has intended for you,
Gary Panell
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While I respect this viewpoint, I cannot help but find it a little ridiculous. It seems to me that it is more immoral to concede that your sexual urges (a sin) are so overpowering that you must avoid certain situations entirely. If your faith, morality, and self-control were strong enough, the actual situation would not matter to you, and in fact it would be an opportunity to demonstrate just how strong your devotion actually is. I think the idea of sleeping next to the person you love, sharing an intimate and non-sexual connection with them, is a pretty remarkable thing… the assumption that this will lead to disaster shows a lack of conviction.
And on a side note–I am no bible expert, but I am fairly sure the phrase “lie with me” did not refer simply to the act of laying down with someone.
Hi Matthew, it is interesting that you should write what you wrote, because here is what we have received: Question: “I was reading the entries on sleeping together but not having sex and I am sad because it is true. I did not get burnt completely, but I sort of did. We sort of did, and now I feel very bad. I don’t know how to go past this. I am truly ashamed, and I said those words, I have self-control. I am still a virgin, but I am scared to think of how far we let things go. I have asked God for forgiveness, but how can I forgive myself?”
Answer: I am glad that you have realized that God can and does forgive your sin when you sincerely ask for forgiveness. A Christian needs to continually go back to 1 John 1:9, 10. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.”
Notice verse 10. It says that we have all sinned. (This passage was written to Christians.) God does not say that one sin is greater than another. He doesn’t look at a person’s sin to decide if He will forgive or not. He tells us to confess our sins (no matter what they are), and He will forgive them.
Once you have asked Jesus into your heart, then when God looks at you, He sees His Son, Jesus. Jesus is perfect. You are justified (just as if you had not sinned). Verse 9 says that once you confess your sins, that God forgives you. Not only does He forgive you, He also cleanses you from all unrighteousness. That means that He puts you in right standing with Him.
When the woman who was caught in adultery was brought to Jesus, He did not condemn her. Instead He said that He did not condemn her, but to go and sin no more. “When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, ‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.’” (John 8:10, 11)
If God does not condemn you, how can you condemn yourself? After Jesus tells His disciples how to pray, He says something very interesting. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14, 15)
Yes, you will probably always remember and regret what you have done, but you do not have to live in condemnation. “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:17)
Satan would love to have you not be an effective witness because you cannot forgive yourself. Unforgiveness only hurts you. “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
Here are some other questions on the same topic: Christian dating, courting, and struggles with lust; Is it alright for two Christians to live together without being married?; I am a Christian teenager; Is it o.k. for me to spend the night with my boyfriend; Our friends are allowing their son and his girlfriend to live together; and What does the Bible say about a Christian lady sleeping in the same bed with her boyfriend, but they don’t have sex?
If you have any more questions, feel free to write again. Remember God has forgiven you. Ask God to help you forgive yourself, and then go live a victorious life!!
In Christian love,
Marlene Panell
I agree 100% I sleep with my boyfriends at times and I only have to need to be near and not do anything at all. I feel safe and warm with and I feel no desire to act into sexual things.
Hi Jennifer, You are playing with fire, the Bible says to flee or run away from youthful lust, it doesn’t say to get as close to sin as possible. You may not feel any lust, but I know the boys do. Run away from sin, before it is too late, and you become another statistic. In Christian love, Gary
Hi Mathew,.As a youth Pastor.Im very sad to see your Justification of it being ok to sleep in the same bed while not being married…..First I truly wonder if you are a BornAgain Christian and knows and can explain what that means????? The bible is very clear about running from all appearances of sin.Look it up for yourself!!! Even looking at a woman in the wrong way is sinful lust….Look what happened to David looking across the roof tops.It led to deep sin….Look what happened to Samson just playfully laying with Deliaih…..You need to study the bible further and not twist scriptures to your likening. You are on A very dangerous road with this compromise and playing with fire and Where you will spend eternity.
Thanks Vincent, Brother Gary
I must that this comment is very touching for me. I got so emotional when I read the part with’ God has forgiven you. Ask God to help forgive yourself’
I was saddened because i slept next to my boyfriend and my grandparents got angry. I cried
and pray to God but still I was sad… but I found courage and comfort with the scriptures taken from JOHN 3:17.
That made me realized that God is a merciful God and I wanna say thank you, thank you God!
Hi Ariana, Thank you for your kind comments. God bless you. Brother Gary