Dear Gary & Marlene,

I don’t really understand why it is such a big deal to sleep with someone if you don’t plan to have sex.

Last summer a guy I was dating slept in my bad couples of times, he never tried to take advantages of me and was very respectful of my space, he just slept in my house because he lives far and we would go out often until late.

We never had sex, but since my Christian friends find out about this, they made me feel so guilty of something I wasn’t even thinking of doing (having sex with him), and made this sex topic so big, that I didn’t want to date him anymore, because it would be too stressful to explain it to my friends that sleeping together does not mean having sex.

Now I understand that sexual immorality, or anything related to sex is a sin, but I don’t understand why in the Christian community having sex before marriage is considered the worst thing that could ever happen to you, forgetting all the other sins possible?

Sometimes I feel like sex shouldn’t be considered as a terrible sin. I know I have sexual desires, I am old enough to know what I am doing, use protection and expect to be respected by the guy. I am not virgin anymore and I am not married, as a Christian I try to flee from sexual immorality as the bible says, but sometimes I fall into sexual temptation, I pray about it, but I know that sooner or later I will fall again.

I don’t want to feel guilty and depressed because I cannot control my desires. Why can’t sex just be a normal thing? What’s the difference between having a piece of paper and spending a lot of money on a wedding, that just being with someone you love without any “certificate”?

Hello———– Having sex outside of marriage is not the unpardonable sin, but it is a sin. We do not set the standards for Christians. God sets the standards. God’s Word is where we are told how to live for Him. This is the only standard God gives us.

God first of all tells us that He loves us and that He sent His Son to die for us. Jesus is God, and He died in your place and my place on the cross because of sin. “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23

If you receive Christ as your Savior, then when you sin, Christ tells the Father God that He died for that sin. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

When you sin, you first of all need to repent and ask forgiveness. Repent is to turn and go the opposite direction. The Bible also tells us to flee youthful lusts.
When you sleep in bed with a person of the opposite sex, whether you have sex or not, you are opening yourself up to sin.

The “piece of paper” says that before God you are promising to be with this one person for the rest of your life. You don’t need to spend a lot of money, just enough for the license (piece of paper) and someone to perform the wedding. That “piece of paper” says you are making a commitment–not just when you’re having good times, but for all times.
When you have sex with whoever is convenient, you are not making any kind of a commitment; you’re just trying to make yourself feel good.

You cannot resist temptation on your own. You can only resist through God. That takes reading your Bible every day, praying every day, and attending a Bible teaching church every week.
In Christian love,
Marlene K. Panell