Question: You hear all the time about premarital sex. The question I get all the time is how far is too far to go. I don’t know how to answer that. It clearly says do not have sex before marriage. So is kissing wrong and ‘foreplay?’ Where do you draw the line?
Answer: Thank you for your questions, I’m sure that many other Christians are asking these same questions.
You need to remember this verse and even memorize it: 2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
Here is a list of check points you might find helpful when dating:
1. Check to see if he/she is a Christian. You need to know this for sure, what is the point of dating someone who is not really going to be someone you can marry, since Christians can only marry other Christians. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
2. Pray before and after your date. If this girl/boy is really in love with Jesus she/he will be glad to do this with you.
3. Double date or go in groups. Don’t ever be alone together, but be with other people all the time.
4. Go to a good Bible believing church and get active in their youth group together.
5. Make sure both of you are having devotions each day. Have devotions together sometimes.
6. Never be lusting after her/him or other girls/boys. Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman [man] to lust for her [him] has already committed adultery with her [him] in his [her] heart.” (Matthew 5:28)
7. Keep hugging and kissing to a minimum. Keep hands away from the bikini line.
8. Find a Christian brother/sister who could hold you accountable. This should be a mature Christian with whom you can confide.
The following comments have to do with once you have taken the step of engagement:
Until you have made the actual, final commitment to each other before God and witnesses – you are going against God’s will for you if you are intimate.
You and your fiancé need to start having devotions together. Start your time together in prayer and end your time together in prayer. Study the Bible together. Limit the time you spend by yourselves. Go out with other couples or friends. Spend time with your families together.
Limit your hugs and kisses – as we know where that can lead! Often times, a touch on the arm or a look from across the room can convey your love and thoughts to your fiancé.
Think of special things you can do or make for your fiancé.
I would also suggest that each of you read, memorize, and study 1 Corinthians 13. The love that it speaks of here is the kind of love you should have for each other, especially verses 4-7.
Real love in marriage is more than a touchy feely type of emotion, it is a commitment to each other “until death do you part.”
“4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)
Ephesians 5:22-33 is another passage that would be good for you to study together. What does the Bible mean when it says “submit?’ (You can read a discussion question about) How does the husband show the same love for his wife as Christ did for the Church?
(Another study would be the Ephesians part 4 that covers this topic.)
Are you both ready to leave your father and mother (literally and figuratively as to love, loyalty, and support) and to cleave or cling (make a lifetime vow and commitment – marriage) to each other?
You both should go to your pastor to have marriage counseling. He will be able to give you much more in-depth biblical help on how to prepare to become true “helpmates” to each other.
Another answer that I have on this discussion page, which goes into more detail is: Christian dating, courting, and struggles with lust . You will want to read this answer as well. We will be praying for you, as you look for God’s best for you in your life!
You will want to check out a speaker named Pam Stenzel. You can go to youtube, put Pam Stenzel in the search box and watch all 6 parts of her talk.
Your sister in Christ,
Marlene Panell
For more information email me.
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