Question: Is oral sex between married couples permitted by God?
Answer: This is not an easy question to answer, since there isn’t a verse that says “thou shalt not have oral sex.” However, upon a deeper study of Scripture, I do believe that the Bible does address the issue of oral sex.
I do believe that according to this passage in Hebrews, that God is sanctioning sex in marriage, and that it is honorable and right for a husband and wife to enjoy sex with each other. I also believe that God tells married people that they should not deny sex to their spouse except for a short time when one or both of them have devoted themselves to a time of fasting and prayer.
“Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
Since God sanctions marriage and sex within marriage, then would that make oral sex right between spouses? Again, God does not come right out and say “Thou shalt not…” We are not under the law, but I believe that the Bible gives some clear guidelines as to what our conduct should be both when we can be seen by others, and when we are behind closed doors.
“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (1 Corinthians 6:12, 13)
“All things are lawful for me was a slogan the Corinthians had coined to justify their immoral behavior. Paul reminded the Corinthians that freedom from the ceremonial laws of Moses did not give them license to sin or indulge their own selfishness. This would only enslave them in the sin from which Jesus had freed them. under the power of any: The only power that should control us is the Holy Spirit. Sin should never dominate our lives because the Spirit empowers us to fight temptation.” (Nelson’s NKJV Study Bible)
The first thing you need to do is discuss with your spouse, at a time when you are not being intimate, as to how you feel about oral sex. This is something you should be able to pray about. God wants us to be righteous in every aspect of our lives. This includes the intimacy shared between a married couple.
Now, what does Scripture say about oral sex? I believe that (1 Corinthians 6:9) addresses this issue. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites…In the New King James Version, the verse mentions ‘sodomites.’ The word sodomy has a 3-part definition. The definition is: 1) Anal copulation of one male with another (homosexuality) 2) anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex (oral sex) and 3) copulation with an animal (bestiality). (The American Heritage Dictionary, Second College Edition)
“do not be deceived: Tragically, Christians sometimes deceive themselves into thinking that God does not require them to live righteously. Paul emphasizes that the kinds of people listed in these verses will not inherit or possess the kingdom of God.” (Nelson’s NKJV Study Bible)
I believe this passage (1 Cor. 6:9) makes it clear that sodomy is not acceptable to God. Now, should you feel guilty if you have participated in this type of activity [not knowing this information]? If you have recognized that this behavior is sin, have confessed this sin to God, and asked for His forgiveness—then this sin has been forgiven (1 John 1:9) “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
God has wiped the slate clean. It is as if the sin had not happened. Now you can go on and live your life the way you know God wants you to live. This is how we grow in Christ, as we read and begin to understand Scripture, God, through the Holy Spirit will reveal sin to us. As we confess our sin and give it up, then we become more Christ like. We won’t be perfect here on earth, but that is still the goal!
You need to start the journey now with an open and honest discussion with your husband. Pray before you approach him, and pray together about this as you study Scripture together.
There is a little more on this topic on the literature page in the commentary on 1 Corinthians, part 2, where it covers chapter 6.
In Christian love,
Marlene Panell
For more information email me.
Pls which sex positions are approved for christian couples?
Hi Silver, there is nothing in Scripture as to anything that is wrong in sex, except anal or oral sex in marriage. These are wrong, because they have to do with homosexuality. We, of course, need to respect each other and their bodies and emotions, because it is not really just sex that we are having, but love between the husband and the wife. The Song of Solomon is a good book to read together on this subject. Hebrews 13: 4 and 1 Corinthians 7:1-6. So your body really is for your spouse and not for yourself, so you need to think that way in an unselfish way, and in a loving way. Be blessed, Gary
The only limitation the Bible states is that it must remain between the two. It doesn’t say anal isn’t approved, it talks about homosexual sodomy and disapproves, however if it’s between a man and his wife, then it’s not defiled, same goes with oral.
Daniel, I think you better talk to God about that.
It’s not approved it says it in black and white .
Yes
My husband and I are not physically able to have sex the conventional way, He wants me to give him oral sex, but not knowing if it is a sin or not, I have put him off for a very Long time, I could go for ever without any, but he cannot and is Very frustrated, what can I do?
Hi Kimderly, I know this is very personal, so would you write to us at my email address: [email protected]
Thank you, Gary and Marlene Panell
Every man under the sun wants to be given oral sex,and they don’t care if it is sanctioned by the bible or not, as evidence that your husband wants it from you. So solution lies with 1//2 of the involved participants-which is YOU. You who is concerned about the bible’s rule for oral sex. So it is not the actual performance of oral sex that’s holding you off,but it is the bible’s take on it, that is stopping you.
From what I’ve heard of what the bible says on oral sex, is contradictory, as is much of what is in bible,.One book in the bible says that all sexual acts are
Ok under God between husband and wife, while another book in bibles states, oral, anal, sex between man and woman is taboo,
(doesn’t make an exception between married men and women). So it is like-what is left for you to do? So
if you are personally comfortable performing oral sex, then do so, don’t worry about what bible states,since every single one of us will commit one sin or another in the bible,because the bible also states that we all fall short of perfectly following God’s rules,
Hi Jenifer, I would like to know what Scripture you are speaking about that is so filled with contradictions. Also, how can you say, ‘don’t worry about what the Bible states, since every single one of us will commit one sin or another…” God is not going to let sin go unpunished, so I wouldn’t look at sin as a light thing. Gary
It’s a major sin you are right and so many people do not know . I did not know until I took a good long hard look and there is no contradiction.
We do
Not own our body’s we have been bought for a price.
Hopefully Mmm, you have understood by now that we are teaching that oral sex, and anal sex are wrong. Brother Gary
True
No, This one is VERY clear and People should be very worried !
God makes it known in many verses .
if you really are looking for the answer here it is :
Oral Sex was taught by a Pagan Cult presenting the act like a religion . This was done by high priest and priestess in temples.
. It made so many people cheat and sim that God caused. a plague to the Israelites & I killed thousands .
Look up Pagan Cult/Oral S͏e͏x.
It’s basicallly a ritual after all . This is information no one wants to talk about or know.
True
I believe you have to dig a little deeper as your definition of sodomy is flawed. You can’t use today’s english without researching the greek or hebrew for that matter. In modern language, the term sodomy has acquired a broader definition than what is biblically warranted. Today, “sodomy” often refers to any form of non-penile/vaginal sexual act, which includes anal sex and oral sex. If the biblical text is used as the basis for the definition, though, “sodomy” cannot include oral sex or, technically, even anal sex. The strict understanding of sodomy, based solely on the events of Genesis 19, would have to be “forcible anal sex, with one male homosexually raping another male anally.”
Since the Bible nowhere condemns, or even mentions, anal sex within the confines of marriage, it would appear that anal sex falls within the “mutual consent” principle (1 Corinthians 7:5). Whatever is done sexually should be fully agreed on between the husband and his wife. Neither husband nor wife should be coerced into doing something he/she is not absolutely comfortable with. If anal sex occurs within the confines of marriage, by mutual consent, then there is no clear biblical reason for declaring it to be sin.
Sorry, Joe, the Word of God doesn’t agree with you. Gary
Gary, what do you do with the Song of Song’s scripture that speaks of his wife sitting beneath her husband’s fruits and delighting in their taste? Curious about this, since you give only a modern view of the definition of sodomy without any scripture that actually talks about sex itself. Not trying to be snarky, many words and definitions in English are completely different from what the biblical authors understood and/or believed.
Hi Sarah, Thank you for your comments, however, you did not quote the reference in Song of Songs that you are referring to. I know it is not speaking of them having ‘oral sex.’ We do know what the words mean today, and I have had enough Bible education to know what God’s Word is speaking about. God wants what we do in the bedroom to be holy too. I hope this helps, Gary
Gary,
You haven’t actually replied to the comment.
You can’t just say the word of God doesn’t agree with you without referencing to the word of God!
The commenter pointed out that you are using the word sodomy as it is used today. You have to go back and use the actual word that has been used in scripture and it’s meaning at the time.
Ok Gobilux, what is your point? Are you trying to teach people it is ok to be homosexual? Make yourself clear. I will never agree that it is ok to be homosexual and think you are going to heaven. You need to read the Word of God, and believe it, and don’t try to make it say what you want it to say. Go read over again Romans 1.
I researched this topic to answer a young parishioners question on this matter in regards to their own marriage . I am of the belief that Hebrews 13:4 is the final say on the matter. The marriage bed is undefiled. We are not under the Law and I don’t read anything into the Holy (infallible) Scripture. I am a pastor of 15 years and have been married for 27 years. My wife and I have a vibrant sex life that includes regular oral and occasional anal sex. We only have anal sex when she asks for it. I preach every Wednesday and Sunday and teach adult Sunday school. May I assure you if I felt the Holy Spirit were not guiding my every word as a pastor and preacher, I would walk away immediately! I’m most certainly not trying to argue or belittle anyone’s opinions, just simply to share my own experience. May God bless and keep you.
Mike, I will stick to the Word of God. Gary
Gross! You are no man of God and are no pastor, but a pervert. How disgusting for a man to so casually defile his marriage bed on the internet, for all, including children, to see.
John, I don’t know where you got your information. We do not believe any such thing, please get your facts straight before you accuse someone. Gary
Mike,
Do you live life and make decisions based on how you “feel” or what you think? I don’t think it’s very difficult to come to the conclusion that anal sex is contrary to Biblical teaching. What translation are you reading? There’s no reason to think you can do whatever you conceive of “in the marriage bed” and it be okay with God. The ESV says “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Notice “LET the marriage bed BE UNDEFILED” As in don’t do anything to defile it!
Look up all of the risk of injury, disease etc. that comes from engaging in anal sex. It’s bad news, for both your sake and your wife’s sake, educate yourself.
Two more questions though, what spirit are you listening to? And where did your wife come up with the idea of trying it? Porn? This rotting culture that we find ourselves in?
Chris, here we would agree. Brother Gary
Where did you find the 3 part definition of sodomy?
Now, what does Scripture say about oral sex? I believe that (1 Corinthians 6:9) addresses this issue. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites…In the New King James Version, the verse mentions ‘sodomites.’ The word sodomy has a 3-part definition. The definition is: 1) Anal copulation of one male with another (homosexuality) 2) anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex (oral sex) and 3) copulation with an animal (bestiality). (The American Heritage Dictionary, Second College Edition)
Please look up who wrote the current definition of sodomy.
It was a catholic priest. Think about that. And research why they would say that oral between opposite sexes is wrong.
We know that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of sodomy.
Do I believe that God destroyed those cities because married men and women were enjoying their marriage bed? No, I don’t. I believe those cities were destroyed because men were lying with men. I do believe that anal penetration is sin and perversion. It is unnatural. That area is specifically for the body to rid itself of waste.
So HT, in your opinion, the man’s penis is for the woman’s mouth and the woman’s vagina is for the man’s mouth?
Interesting angle, opening the catholic priest and sodomy discussion.
While the abhorrent behavior of the Catholic Church, covering up and moving pedophile “Priests” to different churches across the country is FAR worse than anything discussed here, it is a different conversation.
Perhaps that is one of the reasons Protestants allow clerical marriage…
No doubt
I dearly wanted to know where the 3-part definition was pulled from & glad to see a peer inquire of it. No one should refute God’s word but the 2nd edition of a dictionary prepared under certain editorial guidelines with the cultural overtones of the day are unprotected. It still leaves me wondering about healthy sexual practice with my wife who has her preferences but I don’t want to offend the Holy Spirit in even the least bit.
Ask God what He wants.
If oral sex gets so much nod, my question is, can conception(pregnancy) take place and subsequent fruit bearing and multiplication as ordained by God?
Good point Abraham. Thanks for your comment! Brother Gary and Sister Marlene
You’re implying that every sexual encounter between a husband and wife requires the best effort to achieve pregnancy? Surely you jest. If so then that means a couple should not be having sex except for maybe the week that the woman ovulates.
There are three parts (in no particular order) to how God designed sex: intimacy, pleasure, and reproduction.
Obviously a couple isn’t going to get pregnant every time they are together, nor would they want to. And there are varying levels of intimacy and pleasure as well.
The question really comes down to what the original language defined sodomy as, not relatively modern English. I don’t know what the Bible meant at this point. I came here to find out, but failed. I’m not really interested in what modern English means…
Hi Chris, see if this helps as far as the original language defined sodomy: What is the biblical definition of sodomite?
Bible Question:
What is the biblical definition of sodomite? Where is the proof in the Bible?
Bible Answer:
The term “sodomite” is taken from the city of Sodom (Genesis 19:1-26). The definition of sodomite refers to anyone who actively engages in homosexual or lesbian acts.
The Sin of Sodom
There is a document at this site entitled “Same Sex Patterns of Life.” It provides a biblical understanding of what happened at the city of Sodom. The document also provides a complete survey of homosexuality in both the Old and New Testaments It is important to remember that while God calls homosexuality a sin, He loves those who commit this sin. The sin involves males having sexual relations with males. In the New Testament God makes it clear that females are included in this definition of homosexuality.
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. (NASB) Romans 1:26-27
The Bible explicitly describes the homosexual act. There is no doubt that God does not approve of this sexual behavior. The passage of 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is very explicit because it includes both the receiving and giving partners. Since the passage is translated differently by various Bibles, here are several examples.
Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NASB)
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! The sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, passive homosexual partners, practicing homosexuals, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, the verbally abusive, and swindlers will not inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NET)
Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NIV)
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NKJV)
Greek Words For Homosexual Behavior
There are two different Greek words that describe homosexual behavior in 1 Corinthians 6:9. These two words are malakos and arsenokoites. The Greek word malakos refers to the passive male partner in the homosexual act. The NASB translates this word as “effeminate.” The NET Bible translates malakos as “passive homosexual partners” because the root word has the idea of soft or gentle (Matthew 11:8; Luke 7:25).[1] This Greek word is also translated as soft or fancy homosexual, or a passive or receiving male partner in homosexual intercourse act.[2] Thus malakos plays the same role a female would in a heterosexual relationship. The NIV blurs malakos and arsenokoites together when it combines the words into “nor men who have sex with men.” Here is the NIV’s less than accurate translation.
. . . Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men . . . 1 Corinthians 6:9 (NIV)
The NKJV translates malakos as “homosexuals” and arsenokoites as sodomites.
The Term Sodomite
The NASB translates arsenokoites as “homosexuals.” The NET Bible translates the Greek word as “practicing homosexuals.” That is, malakos is the partner receiving the sexual act and arsenokoites is the active partner performing the act who inserts his penis.
The New King James Version (NKJV) translates the Greek word aresnokoites as “Sodomites.” That is, aresnokoites is defined as the “active male partner in homosexual intercourse”[3] and “one who lies with a male as with a female, a sodomite.”[4] Consequently, the NKJV translated arsenokoites as sodomite.” This is an acceptable translation. Aresnokoites also appears in 1 Timothy 1:10.
In summary, the malakos refers to the passive male partner in the homosexual act and arsenokoites is the male partner who inserts his penis into the passive partner’s anus. The word sodomite appears in other translations in the Old Testament. A sodomite is one who practices something that God has explicitly described as sin.
Conclusion:
God hates all sin and we are all sinners. But God does not hate us. A homosexual or lesbian is loved by God but He hates the sin. If you know a homosexual or lesbian, I would encourage you to love them and tell them that our God loves them and calls them to stop sinning. Read Romans 1:28-32 and Romans 3:23 to discover that everyone sins. The only way to obtain approval and peace with God is to turn to Jesus Christ who lovingly forgives our sins (Romans 5:6-8).
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8 (NASB)
References:
1. Balz and Schneider. Exegetical Dictionary of the New Testament. Eerdmans Publishing. 1981. vol. 2. p. 381.
2. Danker and Bauer. Greek-Lexicon of the New Testament. University of Chicago Press. 1979. p. 613.
3. Louw & Nida. Greek-Lexicon of the New Testament. United Bible Societies. 1989. vol 2. p. 772.
4. J. H. Thayer. The New Thayer’s Greek-English Lexicon. Christian Copyrights. 1981. p. 740.
Suggested Links:
Dear Gary,
I realize this is an older thread but I am currently struggling with this in legal definition, current secular definition and the biblical definition. I believe the reason that my unbelieving spouse craves this is that he’s keeping a secret from me and that he purposely seeks to corrupt me as he also gta angry when I fast. I’m torn between obeying my spouse, God and my own conscience. If you can reply or send me an email, I’d be greatly appreciative.
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer, I am not sure what you are asking, please give me some more information. Thanks, Brother Gary
I don’t see any rule for oral sex in the bible, although anal sex is well-known as a vehicle for homsexuals, which is clearly condemned, and is an obvious misuse of the anus which is to expel waste. For that reason, I would certainly say no to anal sex. However, oral sex could be viewed as an extension of passionate kissing.
The word sodomy comes from the city of Sodom in the Old Testament where homosexuality was rife. The apostle Paul tells us in Romans 1 that it is men lying with men as with women, doing what is unseemly that is condemned. There is never a mention of any sexual act being wrong between a husband and wife. Only in much more recent times has sodomy come to include anal and oral sex – and more – between a man and woman, and that came out of a 20th century supreme court case.
Hi Elizabeth, In some ways I think you answered your own question, if you really think about what you said. Gary
Here is a different problem. My wife has pain with penetration despite generous foreplay, love, intimacy and extra lubricant. So I only use a finger to get her to achieve an orgasm. In return, she has given me oral sex and used her hands to get me to orgasm. We have had no children together. I recently learned that oral sex is “sodomy” and now have no other option I can think of other than to masterbate while I touch her or she caresses me. Do you agree? Or is that a sin, too?
Hi, first, we suggest that your wife see an OBGYN, because the pain is not normal. Second, I don’t see what you said as being sin, if you are both enjoying each other. However, like you said oral sex is wrong. A vibratory may also help her, without pain. Brother Gary and Sister Marlene
CC, I completely understand your dilemma. I thoroughly enjoy making love with my husband of 5 years and have had 2 beautiful daughters to show for it. However, my husband has difficulties getting aroused without my help (orally). We have tried several other methods that are more accepted without success. The medication he is on makes traditional sex almost impossible without the added stimulation.
He does not seem to mind not having sex, but I am at the point now that he was in his 20’s. I still need a healthy sex life and often his affection without penetration is enough for me, other times it is not.
I do not feel bad for assisting my husband to be able to preform in bed, even if we must stop several times for me to help him out.
Hi Shelby, I am wondering, if the medicine is the problem, could your doctor help? Brother Gary
For years my husband prefers anal sex because it’s more intense than vaginal for him and I was fine with it. He is always gentle and make sure I am satisfied first. We have three children. There are times I would struggle with Anal Sex and would go to confession. The priest would say oh, you’re married it’s not a sin and I would feel better but only a short while b/c I still didn’t feel right about this. . . This past year I have become more of a traditionalist and confessed to traditionalist priest and said it is wrong. He said and made sense “A man seeds should always be in the woman’s vagina.” I brought this to my husband attention, and we have had Vaginal sex few times, but he gets no satisfaction but more frustrated and miserable now. This has affected other area in our marriage. I’m not denying him sex but just the anal position. I feel awful but I don’t want to offend God. Today, we had the conversation about sex etc and he said do you know how many marriages break up in divorce. I’m not sure what to do. I’m heartbroken. Thank you.
Hi Janet, I think your story points out the very thing that we are speaking of in the article that you read: “Oral sex between married couples.” In the article as you know we share with people that Anal Sex is not of God, but is from the Homosexual life style. We suggest that you continue to pray, continue to speak to your husband that he needs to listen to you and your desires. If he will not you may need to share with him, then that you may have to live separate from him until he wants to change his ways. We will be praying, Sister Marlene and Brother Gary
One cannot make the scriptures say what they want them to say so as to push their ideological beliefs … 1 Cor 6:9 calls these people that you refer to as sodomites “abusers of themselves with mankind,”
The definitions for this descriptive of these people (abusers of themselves with mankind) are as follows:
Strong’s Concordance
arsenokoites: a male engaging in same-gender sexual activity
Original Word: ἀρσενοκοίτης, ου, ὁ
Part of Speech: Noun, Masculine
Transliteration: arsenokoites
Phonetic Spelling: (ar-sen-ok-oy’-tace)
Definition: a sodomite
Usage: a male engaging in same-gender sexual activity; a sodomite, pederast.
HELPS Word-studies
733 arsenokoítēs (from 730 /árrhēn, “a male” and 2845 /koítē, “a mat, bed”) – properly, a man in bed with another man; a homosexual.
Thayer’s Greek Lexicon
STRONGS NT 733: ἀρσενοκοίτης
ἀρσενοκοίτης, ἀρσενοκοιτου, ὁ (ἄρσην a male; κοίτη a bed), one who lies with a male as with a female, a sodomite: 1 Corinthians 6:9; 1 Timothy 1:10. (Anthol. 9, 686, 5; ecclesiastical writings.)
Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance
homosexual
Hello Ed, I know what you are saying and you are correct up to a point. However, you miss the point that we are making with the article, and that is that, yes, we are pointing out that in this passage of Scripture it is homosexuality that is being talked about as wrong. That is not just our view, it is God’s Word that it is sin. If a person does not repent of sin and receive Christ, he/she will not be saved. Some were into these sins before, but now they are saved, Paul is saying in verse 11. I hope that this helps. Gary