Question: I am 19 years old and I am in love with a guy. I love him so much. I told him that having sex is bad according to the Bible. We both are Christians, and he is convincing me to have sex partially but not completely, but still I am not willing to have. Sometimes I get tempted. He is very loving to me. I am sure that I will marry him. Can I have sex with him or not? Please tell me.
Answer: God has given every female a special gift, and that is her virginity. This is a gift that should be reserved for her husband, on their wedding night. To give this gift without the benefit of marriage is cheating both yourself and your husband out of that beautiful gift.
If your boyfriend truly loved you, he would want to protect you and respect you enough to not pressure you into giving this gift prior to your wedding night.
There is no such thing as partial sex. Either you are having sex or you are not. Having oral sex, mutual masturbation, or foreplay, is still sex. Of course it is tempting – because it is part of having sex, and is what leads up to the “climax.”
Every teenager, who has raging hormones, is tempted to have sex. The test of true love is to say no to sex outside of marriage. God created sex. He wants us to enjoy sex. However, you will never truly know the joy of sex as God intended outside of God’s boundaries.
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4) This means that sex within marriage has God’s blessing. Sex outside of marriage is called fornication (if the people are not married, and adultery if one or both of the people are married to someone else.)
If you go onto YouTube and type Pam Stenzel into the search box, you will find a series of about 8 videos. In these videos, you will learn some of the reasons why it is good to stay a virgin until your wedding night. There are so many bad things that can happen to you as a result of making bad choices concerning sex before marriage. Getting pregnant is the least of the problems a person can have when they choose to have sex before marriage.
I know that when your boyfriend is pressuring you and being loving to you that you are tempted. This is what God says to do about temptation. “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)
To avoid temptation, limit the time you are alone. Go out places where you will be around other people. Start your dates with prayer, and end them with prayer. As a couple, ask God to keep you pure. God loves you and plans good for you, but you must follow God and obey Him for this good to happen.
We will pray with you that God will give you the strength to make the right choice!!
In Christian love,
Marlene Panell
Other discussion questions that may help:
It clearly says do not have sex before marriage. So is kissing wrong and ‘foreplay?’ Where do you draw the line?
Is kissing and lovemaking, excluding sex only recommended for a Christian love relationship before marriage?
I know it is a sin to lust after a woman. When have you crossed that line?
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