Question: My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. She is Christian and I am just now starting to read my Bible and attend church. During our relationship, we have had sex. We both regret that this has happened. Is it possible to save ourselves? If we repent, with conviction, and ask God to forgive our transgressions? Can we be cleansed and be able to start over? It has caused great pain in our relationship. We want to move forward and live our lives together for God. Please help. Thank you.
Answer: Were both you and your girlfriend Christians when you first started dating? Not that it makes a difference in the answer I am about to give – but could be an example of why God tells us to “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?“ (2 Corinthians 6:14) The non-Christian will try to lead the Christian away from God’s will and standards.
It sounds like you have just recently asked God to come into your heart and take away your sins. The Good News is…, when you ask God to forgive your sins, He does just that!! He doesn’t forgive some of your sins, but all of your sins.
God doesn’t put a level or rate on sin and say, “Oh, that wasn’t a bad sin, so it’s just a #1 – I can forgive that one. However, that sin was a worse sin, it was a # 8. I’m not sure I can forgive that one. Perhaps they will have to do a little more work to show me they’re sorry.” God doesn’t work that way!! Sin is sin, and can only be forgiven through the shed blood of Jesus on the cross.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8, 9)
When you ask God to forgive you, the Bible tells us that He throws it in the Sea of Forgetfulness. God will never bring that sin up again to you, because as far as He is concerned, it never happened!
“Who is a God like You, Pardoning iniquity And passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, Because He delights in mercy. He will again have compassion on us, And will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins Into the depths of the sea.” (Micah 7:18, 19)
As humans, that’s a lot harder to do. Satan will try to remind us of when we failed because if he can make us feel defeated, then we won’t be able to do much witnessing. People will often remind us of our sins. In the case of sex, your own body will also remind you of how it felt when you were sexually active.
Can this be overcome? Yes!!! It will take a lot of prayer and commitment to God and to each other.
First of all, you should not be alone. That’s where you will be tempted to step over the line and have a sexual relationship. Try to be where there are groups of people.
Begin your date with prayer and ask God to be with you. When you invite God to be a part of your relationship, He will help you to draw close to each other and Him, without sexual immorality.
Limit the physical aspect of your relationship. You don’t need to stop kissing or holding hands, but you do need to be extra careful. This is the part where your bodies will remember, and you will be tempted to cross the line into sexual immorality.
Finally, be in regular fellowship with other believers. Go to church regularly. Both of you need to have a Christian friend who will help hold you accountable to God and to each other in your Christian walk.
It will not be easy, but with God’s help, you can determine that you will be virgins from this day until the day you get married.
Remember God loves you and wants the best for you. Have others praying for you, as we will be!
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