Question: Hi. My boyfriend and I have had a beautiful Christian relationship for almost 2 years. We were both in our early thirties when we met, and virgins. We live in separate locations but communicate every day. I complete my contract next year and plan to relocate to where he is. My family has been mounting some pressure on me to ascertain when the wedding will be. When I raised this issue with him, he said we should not get married until when we can both live together.
I got upset about this ‘delay’ a few weeks ago, and two weeks later he proposed in sincerity. Yesterday he phoned me, distressed. A few weeks before the engagement, he had been approached by a prostitute and had unprotected sex with her. I was very pained, more so because we were both saving ourselves for marriage, and also because he believed he had contracted an STD. I prayed for him and want to forgive and forget, but do not know what to do next. I feel very hurt.
Answer: I feel very sad when I hear a story like yours. I am glad that you have determined to follow God and His plan for you to stay a virgin until marriage. Unfortunately, your boyfriend was tempted and gave into this temptation.
Do you need to forgive him? Yes. God’s Word is clear on this. He needs to ask your forgiveness and also seek God’s forgiveness. “Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21, 22)
“In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.
“‘For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’” (Matthew 6:9-15)
Does this mean that you need to get engaged and marry him? Not necessarily. Only you can decide that. With God’s help, and good counseling from a Christian, you can determine if you are ready to forget the past and make a life-time commitment to your boyfriend; and more importantly if your boyfriend can make a commitment and be faithful to you.
It does concern me that your boyfriend did not ask you to marry him until after he had been with a prostitute. Then he did not tell you about this until after he suspected he had contracted an STD. Otherwise, would he have told you? Is he now being honest with you when he says it only happened the one time?
Your boyfriend will need to continue to be tested for STD’s. Some do not show up for several years. If you do decide to get married, you will need to talk to a doctor about how you can protect yourself from getting an STD.
If this is the man that God has for your life-time mate, then you can get past this and build a strong marriage in Christ. Make sure God is the center of your life, and make Him the center of your marriage. Read God’s Word together daily and pray together daily.
Marriage is like a triangle. With God at the top point, and the husband and wife at the bottom points. As the husband and wife get closer to God, they also get closer to each other. A marriage only continues and is successful as the couple put Christ first in their marriage.
We are praying for you as you have some hard things to decide.
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