Question: Hi, was just reading one of your articles, to which I can relate to. My husband and I married three years ago and have not lived under the same roof yet. We have been in a long time relationship of 19 years. After three years we decided to ease into living together. [Still] three years later nothing had changed because my husband is unwilling for me to move into our home until he decides the time is right. From reading a previous article I know you do not agree with this arrangement. I feel the same way but argument after argument (that’s what our discussions turn into) I cannot get thru to my husband that we need to be starting that “easing into “ that we’d agreed upon on our wedding night. Because of this I have experienced the deepest rejection as a woman feeling unwanted, devalued, degraded, such inner turmoil that has affected me mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I have poured my heart out to my husband in letter form and verbally very recently several times, doesn’t seem to make a difference. I have prayed, fasted, and have even contemplated not divorce but a seperation of not seeing each other for a while until he decides he wants to be a husband to me in every way. So what do you think? I would greatly appreciate a response but would like to keep this personal. There’s a whole lot more to this situation but just trying to give you the jist of it. Thank you very much if you would reply.
Answer: Hi! Thank you for your letter. As you might know, I usually ask people if they are a Christian and going to a good Bible believing church. If not, that is where we need to start. Your case seems to be strange in that how did you happen to get married and decided not to live together? Really, this is not marriage at all. If you were not living together before, I would think that you could check into getting an annulment.
I know it is hard to hear this, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but to be honest with you I don’t hold out any real hope for this guy. He doesn’t impress me in the least! Usually, I would say pray and trust for the Lord to work out His best, but in his case there seems to be something else is going on. Are you sure he is not being unfaithful to you or is he homosexual? His sexual needs are being met some how. You have waited, now you need to say, God let me know what I do next.
I could not, as a man, go very long without having sex with my wife, this is the way God has created us. I don’t know how you can do it. Women can go longer, probably, but there is a limit. Look at what even St. Paul in the Bible said under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit: “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Cor. 7:3-5
Also, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.” 1Thess. 4:3-7
Write when you can, and I will be praying for you!
The Scripture used in this discussion is taken from the New King James Version of the Holy Bible.
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