Question: This is embarrassing, but I can’t get knowledge if this act of oral sex is considered immoral within the marriage. If two consenting adults, I was told, then it would be all right. What if one does not consent-namely the wife who is supposed to be submissive to her husband. Please help me!
Answer: This is not an easy question to answer, since there isn’t a verse that says ‘thou shalt not have oral sex.” However, upon a deeper study of Scripture, I do believe that the Bible does address the issue of oral sex.
Before I get to that, however, I believe there is another issue that needs to be addressed. That is the issue of ‘submission.’ Being submissive does not mean that the wife is a doormat and quietly does whatever her husband tells her to do. God expects a woman to submit as the husband loves and cares for her. Before submission can take place by a wife, there must be an unselfish love and caring for the wife by the husband. The same kind of love that caused Christ to give up His own will in order to die for us.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:25-28)
Being submissive does not mean the wife gives up her opinions. It means that God is a God of order. He expects that husbands and wives will have differences of opinions—and that they will discuss these differences honestly. If an agreement cannot be reached, then the husband must make a decision before God, and he will answer to God for the decision that he makes. When we receive Christ, we come under His umbrella of protection. When we marry a Christian man, he is under Christ’s umbrella of protection and the wife comes under the umbrella of the husband’s protection.
That’s why it’s important for a husband and wife to be honest with each other and try to be very open about their feelings and needs.
The first thing you need to do is discuss with your husband, at a time when you are not being intimate, how you feel about oral sex. If your husband is a Christian, he should be able to respect your feelings and deny himself for your sake.
Now, what does Scripture say about oral sex? I believe that (1 Corinthians 6:9) addresses this issue. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites…In the New King James Version, the verse mentions ‘sodomites.’ The word sodomy has a 3-part definition. The definition is: 1) Anal copulation of one male with another (homosexuality) 2) anal or oral copulation with a member of the opposite sex (oral sex) and 3) copulation with an animal (bestiality). (The American Heritage Dictionary, Second College Edition)
I believe this passage (1 Cor. 6:9) makes it clear that sodomy is not acceptable to God. Now, should you feel guilty if you have participated in this type of activity [not knowing this information]? If you have recognized that this behavior is sin, have confessed this sin to God, and asked for His forgiveness—then this sin has been forgiven (1 John 1:9) “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
God has wiped the slate clean. It is as if the sin had not happened. Now you can go on and live your life the way you know God wants you to live. This is how we grow in Christ, as we read and begin to understand Scripture, God, through the Holy Spirit will reveal sin to us. As we confess our sin and give it up, then we become more Christ like. We won’t be perfect here on earth, but that is still the goal!
You need to start the journey now with an open and honest discussion with your husband. Pray before you approach him, and pray together about this as you study Scripture together.
In Christ’s love,
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