Question: The following questions have been grouped together:
- What does the Bible say about living together and sleeping together before marriage?
- I’ve just contracted herpes and I was told that it’s an STD. My husband and I have never had sex before we were married so how did this happen? Does it mean that one of us has lied prior to marriage?
- Commitment
- Divorce
Answer: These discussion questions all came separately, but do you see any correlation between them? First, what does the Bible say about living and sleeping together before marriage?
As usual it has a lot to say about this subject. It is called “fornication” and it comes from the Greek word: “Porneia,” and it means ‘illicit’ (against God’s laws, wrong) ‘sexual intercourse’ (sexual immorality). We are told to “abstain from . sexual immorality.” (Acts 15:20) “Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13b) “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
We are warned to: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man (or woman) does is outside the body, but he (she) who commits sexual immorality (premarital sex, and other sexual sins) sins against his (her) own body (causes diseases to his/her body – STDs).” (1 Corinthians 6:18) “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man (or woman) sows, that he (she) will reap. For he (she) who sows to his (her) flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he (she) who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.” (Galatians 6:7-8)
Those who practice sexual immorality are not going to heaven unless they repent of this sin and receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of out God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)
God’s perfect will for our lives is to have one sexual partner, after marriage, for life. (It is good to see that the Governor of Wisconsin, Jim Doyle, helped the state pass a law that states: “Sex education teachers must present abstinence as the preferred behavior for unmarried people.” The legislation means teachers must emphasize that refraining from sex before marriage is the most effective way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.”
Jesus said of commitment and marriage: “The Pharisees came and asked Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’ testing him. And He answered and said to them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ They said, ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.’ And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10:2-9)
One of the marriages I performed, I remember them saying, “until death do us part or until Christ shall come.” This is God’s perfect will for us from the word of God. When things cause problems in our marriage, and they will, we need to remember: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.(1 Corinthians 13:4-7) We cannot stay married in our own strength, only Christ can do this in our lives. Put the word “Christ” in the place of the word “love” and see how it works. He can help us to love each other!
What does God say about divorce? He says: “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16)
Below are some answers to previous questions that may be helpful:
- Question: What does the Bible say about herpes?
- Question: I have herpes and I want to know what do I do now living with this disease, how do I get married now and start a family? How does God look at me, and what do I do from here?
- Question: Explain unevenly yoked, my husband is from Africa and is Muslim and I am Baptist.
- What does the Bible say about “LOVE” among youngsters, which is spreading as a plague?
- Question: Christian dating, courting, and struggles with lust
- Question: What evil spirit do you think is newly coming about across America?
- What does God say about families?
- I cheated on my husband and now I think my child might be the other guy’s, what should I do?
- I just found out that my husband committed adultery. It has been going on for at least 6 months and we have only been married for 7 months. I have looked in the Bible, I am not very good with the Bible, and I have not found answers about what to do. I only see where if a woman commits adultery. Where can I find some information?
- Why do I always hear the preachers in church say that Jesus experienced everything we will ever experience, or was tempted in every way we can be? This is NOT TRUE! Jesus never experienced ANY male/female relationship/marriage things or problems, nor any parenthood experiences!
- My daughter became a Christian after marriage, but her husband is unsaved, and an alcoholic. They have been married for several years and have a teenage son. She has stayed with him to be obedient to God. Her husband works, stops to drink, then comes home and eats dinner and passes out. He is not a husband to his wife or a father to his son. She has been in this situation so long it is keeping her from getting closer to God. Her husband doesn’t acknowledge her and only loves her for the things she does for him. She has been unable to get good advice, only that she should “kill him with kindness” or that she should accept the blame or change her attitude. It makes me furious with God that she has put all of her effort into this marriage and nothing has changed.
In Christian love,
Gary T. Panell
For more information email me.
I’ve been in relationships with a guy for 5 yrs neither want get married but both are committed to each other. And don’t live together.just on our work off work days ! And he takes care of anything I need.our we hell bound?
Hi Linda, The Word of God says: “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10 Then it goes on to say: “And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” 1 Cor. 6:11 In other words you don’t have to stay in the unsaved condition you are in, on your way to hell. You can be saved and here is how: Going to heaven
is as simple as A B C !
Admit that we have sinned.
“…for all have sinned and fall short of
the glory of God… (Romans 3:23)
Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.
“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and
you will be saved, you and your household.” (Acts 16:31)
Confess with our mouth.
“…that if you confess with your mouth
the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart
that God has raised Him from the dead,
you will be saved. For with the heart
one believes unto righteousness, and
with the mouth confession is made unto
salvation.” (Romans 10: 9-10)
Pray this prayer: God, I admit I have sinned. I believe Jesus your Son loves me and died on the cross for my sins. I am sorry for my sins, and turn from them. Right now, I receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Amen. In Christian love, Gary
Linda,
May I ask why you do not marry? You must be concerned about your current state if you have found this article.
I would guess that if you don’t desire to be with him for the long hall, you may not be right for one another. If he does not make you a better person, you may want to consider breaking it off if you haven’t done so already.
I believe that the reason God does not permit procreation before marriage is because that is sacred to Him. If we took that as seriously as God does, I believe that there would be much more fidelity and happiness in families. Think of how a family is strengthened when each spouse has been faithful to each other before and after marriage.
I don’t believe that you would go to hell for this sin, but don’t treat it lightly. Repent and listen to God’s counsel for you. He loves you and the person you are with and He wants the happiness of both of you and your firer families.
Please don’t give your power away.
Thanks Wander for the nice comment. Brother, Gary
Remember these passages have been written by men. Why would God not want a man and woman to be together and love each other. Are there written passages where Jesus says a man and a woman need to be married before they can love each other? Why did Jesus not write the bible? The catholic church publishes scripture in it’s own best interests.
In 2 Timothy 3:16 (NIV), Paul states, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” This is the only use in the Bible of the Greek word theopneustos, which literally means “God-breathed.” It joins the words theos (God) with pneustos (breath) to convey the idea that Scripture is breathed out by God, serving as an extension of God Himself.
God does tell us to be married before we sleep together. Marriage is God’s plan! As usual the Bible has a lot to say about this subject. It is called “fornication” and it comes from the Greek word: “Porneia,” and it means ‘illicit’ (against God’s laws, wrong) ‘sexual intercourse’ (sexual immorality). We are told to “abstain from . sexual immorality.” (Acts 15:20) “Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13b) “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
God used people to write down His Word. He could do everything Himself, but He wants us working with Him. Jesus spoke the words and people wrote them down. John 1:1 makes it clear that Jesus is the Word. Now you have to decide if you will obey Him and wait until marriage to sleep together or you can go your own way and disobey God. If you do that you will find there are harmful consequences. If you obey, God will bless you. The choice is yours. I hope this helps. Gary
What must a couple do, they do not leave together and they’ve been dating for 2years and they are old now they wish they can get married but finance doesn’t allow…and their hormones are high and they trying they best not to sleep with each other….what must they do, should they brake up to avoid sinning or what?
Hi Lufuno, We are wondering why you can’t make it financially when you are married. Don’t you think God would help you if you were to step out by faith and do the right thing about marriage? He has said that He would supply for you. Please pray together, He knows the desires of your heart. Write when you can. Brother Gary and Sister Marlene
I am a young woman who is having trouble with her boyfriend. Both my boyfriend and I are catholic and are very devout. He however says that he wants to be with me before marriage and I do not agree with that. He says that he wants to marry me someday. Please help. What should be my next steps
Hi Sarah, That is the oldest trick in the book. We could tell you many sad stories of women who fell for that trick. My wife says, “Tell him that he can go to bed with you when you have the ring on your finger. In other words on your honeymoon. Pray for the right one, if he in fact is the right one that God has for you, he will respect you and your wishes. If he won’t do that now, he surely won’t do it after you are married. Brother Gary and Sister Marlene
I myself was pushed into a lot of sexual things with my boyfriend. I fell hard and fast for him, and I kept saying no, and not until there’s a ring, but eventually caved because he just wouldn’t stop pushing and pushing. I just wasn’t strong enough to keep saying no. I’m not with him anymore, but is it possible for me, a Christian woman, to ever get married some day to a man with godly character and not be “living in sin”? Can I ever have a true and pure marriage someday because of this sin even if I’ve repented for it?
Yes Sammy, God loves you and has forgiven you because you asked Him, 1 John 1:9. You might want to go to Bible-Christian.org and look up on the search engine for articles on ‘forgiveness.’ In Christian love, Gary & Marlene Panell
The definition of Porneia is incorrect. The actual Greek translation is the practice of engaging in acts of prostitution, particularly male prostitution. There are Bible translations with the direct translation in it. Other translations that use the word fornication come from the Latin text, which the word was changed by the Catholic Church. If you’re going to make a spiritual claim about sex, try doing it without going back to Catholic Dictrine which is the exact place we get our idea of marriage from dating back to the 13 or 14 century. By default every Christian during the time of Paul would be guilty of this sin as Rome up until Constantine denied marriages to the early church. Divorce is acceptable only in specific instances, including abuse and adultery which was mentioned by Jesus specifically.
Hi Jeff, you are getting bad advice. The Greek that I gave was correct. Gary
My fiancé and I hah e been living together for 5 years now. I’ve been raised in a strict Christian family and was taught that Fornication is wrong but I cave in 5 years ago. I know my family knows about but don’t wanna talk about it. I lie about it, but God knows every time I talk about it it hurts even deeper. I have this quilt all the time.. we are getting married this Dec. but my desire is for God to tell me what to do. Because I want a wedding but my family says otherwise. They say I don’t deserve a white gown and a wedding.. what do you think?
Hi Tia, Yes, go find a place that you can have a wedding even if it is just for you and your husband to be. Have a white dress if you want. If you have asked God to forgive you. In 1 John one 9 it says, that when we ask for forgiveness, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If you haven’t done this yet then do it now. Then Walk with God by reading the Bible and praying every day, not after the wedding, but now. Find a church where they will accept you.
Be blessed, Brother Gary
Im a 66 yr old divorcee born again and in a committed relationship for more than 20 yrs with 66 yr old widower who loves the Lord ..he has asked me to move in with him as he wants to take care of me..I’m not financially stable but he is…he doesn’t want get married..What should I do?
Hi Audrey, What does God’s Word say about that, and what does your heart tell you? Brother Gary
Me an my fiancé have a baby on the way but we both repented an is member of church..we know we made a bad decision but we both also asked God to forgive us…Is it a sin to sleep in the same bed before marriage even though we stopped having sex an waiting for marriage to do so.?
Hi Juvonta, Is it possible for you two to sleep in separate beds or Sofa’s, whatever, until you get married? This would seem to show that you mean business with God. If you can’t, I would continue your stand to be separate until you marry. I believe God will bless you for this stand that you are taking. The temptation is not to get married and just keep having sex. That is not of God. God wants us married and speaks much of it in Scripture. Brother Gary
I have met a widow man and he likes me his rich..so whenever we meet he wants us to habe sex..when i tell him it’s not good.he say he’s single am single thats not sin..he pushed me .but am afraid to sleep with him co am born again and i feel it’s not right.. what should I do..May be he want to sleep with me first then marry me later..I don’t understand.. pliz advice me
Hi Edith, This is one of the most often used tricks by Satan and men. You must know what God says about sex before marriage. Don’t fall for this trick, if he wants to marry you that is fine, if he is the one God has for you. If he is not willing to wait for marriage to have sex, then tell him no. Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4 In Christian love, Brother Gary
So is it wrong to share a bed with someone you love, but haven’t been married to yet? Is there anywhere in the bible saying you can’t sleep in the same bed. I know for a fact that nothing immoral is going on as my intregry, and so is my girlfriends stronger, but is it wrong to share a bed?
Hi Henry, We listen to God in the Bible where He says, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” 1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV Gary
It’s hard for me., as a parent, to tell my son he can’t sleep with his girlfriend in our house and yet I and my husband are very overweight. I understand what you said about sex being a sin against your body, but our weight is also hurting our bodies. Sometimes I feel very hypocritical.
Hi Ronalee, You know that this is sin. You are a parent and your job is to correct, love without correction is not love. You are not being hypocritical because of your weight. Eli in the Old Testament lost his family over this very thing. Take a stand and have them stop or move out. Share with them from God’s Word, why it is wrong what they are doing. Brother Gary
I have a cousin whose wife died two years ago . Now he has a girlfriend who is a divorced woman move into his house. How can I approach this subject with him using the Bible so that I don’t offend him . I feel its wrong but I wont judge him . I just need to point it our to him that as a Catholic who takes communion every week , that in the laws of the faith this is wrong . Please assist , thanks
Hi Jules, you need to pray that God gives you the right words to say in love. Then leave the results to our Lord Jesus Christ. Brother Gary
Hi… me and my girlfriend are in relationship since 4 years. We knew layer premarital sex is a sin. Hence asked forgiveness. But sometimes we share bed with each other and just talk n fight but we say no to sex, kiss. Is it a sin here to sleep together without any expectations.
Hi Dominic, Why would you want to get as close to the fire as you can? The Bible says that we are to “flee (run away from) youthful lusts,” not try to get as close to it as you can! If I only had a dollar for every time a person wrote to us and said they thought they could sleep together, but they ended up getting burnt! Someone has said, “Better safe, than sorry.” I hope this helps. Brother Gary