Question: I was reading the entries on sleeping together but not having sex and I am sad because it is true. I did not get burnt completely, but I sort of did. We sort of did, and now I feel very bad. I don’t know how to go past this. I am truly ashamed, and I said those words, I have self-control. I am still a virgin, but I am scared to think of how far we let things go. I have asked God for forgiveness, but how can I forgive myself?
Answer: I am glad that you have realized that God can and does forgive your sin when you sincerely ask for forgiveness. A Christian needs to continually go back to 1 John 1:9, 10. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.”
Notice verse 10. It says that we have all sinned. (This passage was written to Christians.) God does not say that one sin is greater than another. He doesn’t look at a person’s sin to decide if He will forgive or not. He tells us to confess our sins (no matter what they are), and He will forgive them.
Once you have asked Jesus into your heart, then when God looks at you, He sees His Son, Jesus. Jesus is perfect. You are justified (just as if you had not sinned). Verse 9 says that once you confess your sins, that God forgives you. Not only does He forgive you, He also cleanses you from all unrighteousness. That means that He puts you in right standing with Him.
When the woman who was caught in adultery was brought to Jesus, He did not condemn her. Instead He said that He did not condemn her, but to go and sin no more. “When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, ‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.'” (John 8:10, 11)
If God does not condemn you, how can you condemn yourself? After Jesus tells His disciples how to pray, He says something very interesting. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14, 15)
Yes, you will probably always remember and regret what you have done, but you do not have to live in condemnation. “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:17)
Satan would love to have you not be an effective witness because you cannot forgive yourself. Unforgiveness only hurts you. “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
Here are some other questions on the same topic: Christian dating, courting, and struggles with lust; Is it alright for two Christians to live together without being married?; I am a Christian teenager; Is it o.k. for me to spend the night with my boyfriend; Our friends are allowing their son and his girlfriend to live together; and What does the Bible say about a Christian lady sleeping in the same bed with her boyfriend, but they don’t have sex?
If you have any more questions, feel free to write again. Remember God has forgiven you. Ask God to help you forgive yourself, and then go live a victorious life!!
In Christian love,
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