Question: What does the Bible say about “sleeping together.” I don’t mean sex. I mean 2 people snoozing in the same bed and waking up together. I have a few friends that don’t have sex but believe that it’s okay to sleep in the same bed. What scriptures can I use to prove to them that this is a sin?
Answer: I am alarmed because I believe that this issue is evidence of how far the Christian church has drifted from God, His Word, and His standards. ” Abstain from every form of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22)
When Christ returns for His Church, He is coming back for a pure and holy bride. If a person is truly born again, then they have Christ living in them. “Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.” (1 Corinthians 3:16,17)
When a Christian is sleeping in a bed with someone, Christ’s Spirit is with them (because we are the temple of God). I do not understand how a person can claim to be a Christian and think that two people who are not married to each other and yet sleeping in the same bed is pleasing to God!
1 Thessalonians 5:22 quoted above says to abstain from every form of evil. Another version says to “Abstain from the appearance of evil.” Another version says “Avoid all kinds of evil.”
I had a friend whose young teenage son wanted his girlfriend to live at their house because of problems in her home. She agreed, but insisted that the girl was sleeping on the couch, while her son slept in his room. I did not believe it. Neither did any of their friends at school. This had the “appearance” of evil.
” Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
I have read the Bible through many times in my lifetime. I cannot find or recall reading a verse where God tells us to get as close to temptation as we can. In fact, I find just the opposite! “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)
” You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27,28)
God made males and females to be sexually attracted to each other. The attraction begins when we see someone of the opposite sex, who looks good to us. This is normal. However, when a person spends a lot of time with a person they are attracted to, the looking becomes touching. The touching becomes inappropriate, and then it is hard to stop – and fornication (or sexual immorality) has taken place.
This is because our hormones are controlling us. This is also how some date rapes take place. It may start out innocently, but not everyone uses or has self-control. Even if you are still a virgin, if you are touching the private parts of another person with any part of your body, that is actually part of having sex, it is called sodomy.
Satan will use anything to tempt us and to draw us away from God. Even if we think we can be strong and not give into temptation, Satan has already won because our testimony has been lost. “But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.” (1 Corinthians 8:9)
The only time a Christian should be sleeping in the bed with a person of the opposite sex is when they are married. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
To what purpose do two people of the opposite sex sleep in the same bed, if not to have sex плитоноска мультикам ? Is it for companionship? If they are sleeping, there is not much companionship. Is it for a warm body? Get an extra quilt or a cat or dog!
If there is such a burning desire to sleep in the same bed, then what is keeping them from getting married купить тактическую рубашку? If they want to sleep in the same bed, they must believe that God desires them to be together. If not, how do you think the future spouse of one of these people will feel about their sleeping in a bed with another person of the opposite sex?!
God’s desire is that both the man and woman are to be virgins on their wedding night. He desires for us to keep ourselves pure ліхтар кемпінговий. I know this is not the way of the world, but it is God’s way. “Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God.” (3 John 11)
When Potiphar’s wife tried to get Joseph to sleep with her, he went to jail rather than commit a sin against God.
“Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. “And it came to pass after these things that his master’s тактичні рукавиці без пальців wife cast longing eyes on Joseph, and she said, ‘Lie with me.’
” But he refused and said to his master’s wife, ‘Look, my master does not know what is with me in the house, and he has committed all that he has to my hand. There is no one greater in this house than I, nor has he kept back anything from me but you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?'” (Genesis 39:6b-9)
We have written several answers to questions that are similar. Some talk about sleeping together, but not having sex купить мультитул в украине. If you have not read these yet, please do. You will find these on the Bible Discussion page at bible-christian.org
There is another website you can go to that would be helpful about teens and sexual activity before marriage. This is a person named Pam Stenzel.
Hopefully this and these answers will help you.
Marlene Panell
For more information email me.
Thank you for taking courage to answer truthfully in these dark times. Several years ago I told my seemingly clueless granddaughter she should not be in the same bed with her future husband. They were not “having sex” eventually got married and then divorced. So sad.
Hi Joanna,
Thank you for your comments.
Brother, Gary
I recently found myself in conversation about cuddling, when I looked on web I couldn’t believe that ppl who call themselves Christians would use John,the beloved leaning against Jesus at the meal table as justification to think this acceptable. Seems ppl want to rewrite the Bible to fit their sinful lifestyle. We are now completely hid in Jesus. We belong to Him. God says This is the way,walk ye in it…He’s not Burger King saying…have it your way!
Thank you, Peabody, Good point, God bless you! Brother Gary
I’m married & my husband sleeps with his sister, “no sex,” & insists this is okay due to her husband snores terribly. This happens when they are either camping or visiting family & I’m not present. I hate this and he thinks it’s fine.. help!
Hi Victoria, I wonder if anyone has suggested a C-Pap machine to the man who snores? I can see your point Victoria, you have probably already talked to your husband about your feelings and no doubt he disregarded your feelings. Have you spoken to your sister-in-law? The other thing you should do, of course, is pray about it. Write, if there is more you want to talk about here. God bless you, Gary and Marlene Panell
I’ve been with my husband over 20 years and he left me for a pregnant woman how can I get him to come back homeI really do love him can you help
Hi, Rose, is this lady pregnant with his child? You need to give this to the Lord. You can’t force him to love you. Do you really want him back after what he has done? Please write back, Marlene Panell
Pray that God should touch is heart ,for him to come home
Hi Kerly, Do you mean of your boy friend? Gary
Pray about it.
Yes
Is it a sin to be married to my wife and not sleep in the same beds as her. I have snoring problems.
Thanks, God bless
Hi Peter,
If that is the only reason why you are not having sex with your wife, I would say, yes, it is a sin, because we are not to defraud our spouse. 1 Cor. 7:5. You need to look into a C-pap, you need to do a apnea study. Brother Gary
This was highly informative and something I needed to see. Thanks, it should be talked about more.
Hi Erick, Thank you for the nice comment. God bless you! Brother, Gary
Good day! Would you mind if I share your blog with my zynga group? There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Cheers
Hi Lan, You are more than welcome to share anything on Bible-Christian.org with others. God bless you, Gary
I’m sorry but i still don’t quite completely understand this like i mean okay i admit I’m not saved and indeed i do have a boyfriend no we arnt perfect but like okay so we are old enough to make our own decisions we are between the ages of 18 and 21 well any who what i just don’t get is so like his grandma clearly knows we do our own thing and she also happens to let people of the house drink alcohol often and us smoke weed well any who what i just don’t understand is okay so she’s considers herself christian and yet makes such a big deal about us falling asleep next to each other and yet she lets all this other stuff go on and uses the lords name in vein like i don’t really know it just doesn’t make sense to me and what i wanna know is where exactly does it even state that it is wrong to fall asleep next to someone in the bible like whats so wrong with that its sleep you literally cant do any wrong while you are asleep because duh your sleeping your eyes are closed i just don’t get it like she doesn’t care so much about anything else or the fact that her husband and adult daughter has an alcohol problem and she once has as well and sometimes does still in fact drink but like any who what i don’t get is how me and my boyfriend sleeping next to each other makes her so angry i just don’t get it especially when she lets all these other things slide someone just please explain to me this like it just doesn’t make sense and its extremely frustrating i really don’t see anything wrong with sleep
Hi, I have sent the way of salvation for you, but also for your grandma since it seems that she really does not what it truly means to be saved. When you are saved you know when something is a sin. Going to heaven
is as simple as A B C !
Admit that we have sinned.
“…for all have sinned and fall short of
the glory of God… (Romans 3:23)
Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.
“Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and
you will be saved, you and your household.” (Acts 16:31)
Confess with our mouth.
“…that if you confess with your mouth
the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart
that God has raised Him from the dead,
you will be saved. For with the heart
one believes unto righteousness, and
with the mouth confession is made unto
salvation.” (Romans 10: 9-10)
Pray this prayer: God, I admit I have sinned. I believe Jesus your Son loves me and died on the cross for my sins. I am sorry for my sins, and turn from them. Right now, I receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Amen.
I hope this helps, Gary
Amen, I am a Virgin but I have ttouched the private of an opposite sex didn’t think it was wrong but now I have come to realize what I did was wrong and I pray God forgives me and help me not to fall into temptation because I keep feeling guilty and like when I will I forget it and move on because I keep think about it God help me
Hi Sakerly, I want to remind you of 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” When we confess it to the Lord, He forgives and forgets, and so should we. I hope this helps, Gary
Hi,
I just wanted to let you know that I have done the same thing and have felt the same guilt. You are not alone. One thing that has helped me is remembering that when we ask for forgiveness, we will receive it and God promises to take it from us as far as the east is from the west. It’s hard, but once you have that forgiveness, you don’t need to keep beating yourself up over it. Christ’s grace and forgiveness is enough.
Hi Cassandra, Good answer! Also, 1 John 1:9 Says that if we confess our sins,
He [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God bless you both. Brother Gary
Hi, I am currently in the process of becoming a disciple and I myself had a question; is it okay for a man and woman who are not married to share a home together for financial purposes? I believe my question has been answered; it is not. I would just like to point out a chapter for you.
In Acts Chapter 2 Verse 48, Peter states: “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”
We must all therefore repent for the sins we have committed, and take up the duty to fight temptations and live our lives like Jesus. We must participate in his resurrection through baptism to be saved and join his Kingdom. But we must make the conscious choice and effort, and understand these things, before we can partake in them. I myself am getting baptized this Sunday and I’d love to see many more thousand after me. I hope it’s importance is received so we all can be saved, and honor God for Jesus Christ taking up our cross.
Hi Xavier, Yes, the verse is actually Acts 2:38. And, yes, it is wrong to live with someone until you are married. Brother Gary
Thank you very much sir/ma.
Am really blessed.
Praise God, Temilade, we are glad this helped! Brother Gary and Sister Marlene
Because smoking weed, drinking, whatever only involves you. Close physical contact, like sleeping next to each other, may lead to sex. Sex leads to babies. And babies require responsibility and money. No sin is greater than any other. But only sex leads to babies. That’s why so much emphasis is placed on no sex till marriage.
Hi Ekela, I’m not sure it is correct that every sin is the same. Also, to say that the only reason not to have sex before marriage is because you will have babies, is also incorrect thinking. Gary
I still don’t understand why it’s wrong to sleep together. You said “To what purpose do two people of the opposite sex sleep in the same bed, if not to have sex? Is it for companionship? If they are sleeping, there is not much companionship. Is it for a warm body? Get an extra quilt or a cat or dog!” By this logic, married people only sleep together for sex. I find it laughable that you make sleeping together such a big deal.
You won’t understand until you receive Jesus as your Savior.
I Dare You to Disprove the Resurrection of Jesus Christ!
A study outline based on the book Know Why You Believe by Paul E. Little Compiled by Garry T. Panell
Did Christ rise from the dead? Both friends and enemies of the Christian faith have recognized the resurrection of Christ to be the foundation stone of the Faith. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth: “And if Christ is not risen, then our preaching is empty and your faith is also empty. Yes, and we are found false witnesses of God, because we have testified of God that He raised up Christ, whom He did not raise up-. And if Christ is not risen, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.” (I Corinthians 15:14-17)
Paul rested his whole case on the bodily resurrection of Christ. Either He did or did not come back to life. If he did, then it is the most sensational event in all of history, and we have answers to the profound questions of our existence: Where have we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going? If Christ rose, we know with certainty that God exists, what He is like, and how we may know Him in personal experience, the universe takes on new meaning and purpose, and it is possible to experience the Living God in contemporary life. These and many more other wonderful things are true if Jesus of Nazareth rose form the dead.
On the other hand, if Christ did not rise from the dead, Christianity is an interesting museum piece-nothing more! It has no objective validity or reality. Though it is a nice wishful thought, it certainly is not worth getting all steamed up about. The martyrs who went singing to the lions, and contemporary missionaries who have given their lives in many parts of the world while taking this message to others, have been poor deluded fools!
The attack on Christianity by its enemies has most often concentrated on the resurrection because it has been correctly seen that this event is the crux of the matter. I want you to consider the facts objectively, just as a British lawyer did. In the early 1930’s a young British lawyer was convinced that the resurrection of Jesus Christ was a mere tissue of fable and fantasy. Sensing that it was the foundation stone of the Christian faith, he decided to do the world a favor by once-and-for-all exposing this fraud and superstition. As a lawyer, he felt he had the critical faculties to sift evidence and to admit nothing as evidence which did not meet the stiff criteria for admission into a law court today.
However, while he was doing his research, a remarkable thing happened. The case was not nearly as easy as he had supposed. As a result, the first chapter of his book is entitled, “The Book That Refused to Be Written, “In it he describes how, as he examined the evidence, he became persuaded against his will, of the fact of the bodily resurrection of Christ. The book is called, Who Moved the Stone? The author is Frank Morison. (Much of this material is taken from Paul E. Little Page 24ff in the book: Know Why You Believe)
Introduction: Scripture, 1 Corinthians 15:14-17, case for the Resurrection, and the Story of Frank Morison. Questions we must consider:
I. How can we account for the empty tomb? (Other Side)
A. Did the disciples steal His body? The earliest explanation circulated was that the disciples stole the body. In Matthew 28:11-15, we have the record of the reaction of the chief priests and the elders when the guards gave them the infuriating and mysterious news that the body was gone. They gave the soldiers money and told them to explain that the disciples had come at night and stolen the body while they were asleep. That story is so obviously false that Matthew does not even bother to refute it! What judge would listen to you if you said that while you were asleep your neighbor came into your house and stole your television set? 1. Stealing the body of Christ would be something totally foreign to the character of the disciples and all that is known of them. 2. It would mean that the Disciples of Christ were perpetrators of a deliberate lie which was responsible for the misleading and ultimate death of thousands including their own. Each of the disciples faced the test of torture and martyrdom for his statements and beliefs. Men will die for what they believe to be true, though it may actually be false. They do not, however, die for what they know is a lie. If ever a man tells the truth it is on his death bed. 3. And if the disciples had taken the body, and Christ was still dead, we would still have the problem of explaining his alleged appearances.
B. Maybe the authorities, Jewish or Roman, moved the body. Having put guards at the tomb, what would be their reason for moving the body? A more convincing answer for this thesis is the silence of the authorities in the face of the apostles bold preaching about the resurrection in Jerusalem. The religious leaders were seething with rage and did everything possible to prevent the spread of this message and tried to suppress it (Acts 4). They arrested Peter and John and beat and threatened them, in an attempt to close their mouths. There was a very simple solution to their problem. If they had Christ’s body, they could have paraded it through the streets of Jerusalem. With this one act they would have successfully smothered Christianity in its cradle. That they did not do this bears eloquent testimony to the fact that they did not have the body!
C. Could the women have gone to the wrong tomb? Another popular theory has been that the women, distraught and overcome by grief, missed their way in the dimness of the morning and went to the wrong tomb. In their distress they imagined Christ had risen because the tomb they went to was empty. This theory, however, falls before the same fact that destroys the previous one. 1. If the women went to the wrong tomb, why did the high priests and other enemies of the Faith not go to the right tomb and produce the body? 2. Further, it is inconceivable that Peter and John would succumb to the same mistake, and certainly, Joseph of Arimathea, owner of the tomb, would have solved the problem. 3. In addition, it must be remembered that this was a private burial ground, not a public cemetery. There was no other tomb there that would have allowed them to make the mistake.
D. Jesus may have been unconscious. In this view, Christ did not actually die. He was mistakenly reported to be dead, but had fainted form exhaustion, pain, and loss of blood. When He was laid in the coolness of the tomb, He revived. He came out of the tomb and appeared to His disciples, who mistakenly thought He had risen from the dead. This is a theory of modern construction. It first appeared at the end of the eighteenth century. It is significant that not a suggestion of this kind has come down from antiquity among violent attacks which have been made on Christianity. People during earlier times knew about crucifixions, people did not leave them alive!
II. What about the alleged appearances of Christ? A. Some say they were hallucination-what about it? Hallucinations are extremely subjective and individual. For this reason, no two people have the same experience. But in the case of the resurrection, Christ appeared not just to individuals, but to groups, including one of more than 500 people! Paul says (at the time of his writing) that more than half of them were still alive and could tell about these events, 1 Corinthians 15:6.B. What about changed lives of individuals today?. If you are saved, you have your own testimony.2. Also there are millions throughout the world, and these miracles of changed lives have been taking place since the resurrection of Jesus
Since when is making love “evil” or “immoral?” There was a time that women were owned by their fathers and then by their husbands. In biblical times, women were sold into marriage. A man also had to “pay” the brides father if he had sex with her and was not married to her. The reason? Because now she was less valuable monetarily. “the man who raped her must give the young woman’s father 50 silver shekels, and she must become his wife because he violated her. He cannot divorce her as long as he lives.” )Deuteronomy 22:29. “16) “If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. 17 If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the bride-price for virgins. (Exodus 22:16-17) Here is some more: “But if this charge is true, that the girl was not found a virgin, then they shall bring out the girl to the doorway of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death because she has committed an act of folly in Israel by playing the harlot in her father’s house; thus you shall purge the evil from among you. 22″If a man is found lying with a married woman, then both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman; thus you shall purge the evil from Israel.…” Are we stoning people? Should I sell my daughter into marriage? Or slavery?? Cherry picking and deciding what you will follow and what you won’t is hypocritical at best. Women are not “owned” anymore and can make their own decisions. Does that mean you throw caution to the wind and randomly sleep with whoever? No, of course not. Are we going to let men have lots of wives and concubines?? Leviticus “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.” Deuteronomy “You shall not sow your vineyard with two kinds of seed, lest the whole yield be forfeited, the crop that you have sown and the yield of the vineyard. You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together.: Well, gosh darn it..looks like many of us are in trouble..but wait..we don’t follow that anymore do we?? Just the relationship parts apply. I could go on and on with various Scripture. But I think you get my point.
Dear AB, sex outside of marriage has always been wrong even as these Scriptures from the O.T. that you pointed out demonstrate. In the New Testament it is still wrong to commit adultery. “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Mt. 5:18 We don’t stone people today because we are in the Church age and not Jews, but Gentiles. Even Jews today who want to be saved have to come into the Church as you will find in Ephesians. “For He Himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation, 15 having abolished in His flesh the enmity, that is, the law of commandments contained in ordinances, so as to create in Himself one new man from the two, thus making peace, 16 and that He might reconcile them both to God in one body through the cross, thereby putting to death the enmity. 17 And He came and preached peace to you who were afar off and to those who were near. 18 For through Him we both have access by one Spirit to the Father.” Eph. 2:14-18
So no, I really do not see your point. As you study God’s Word, you will find that there are no contradictions. If you want to understand what God is saying you need to trust Him first of all. You need to receive His Son Jesus into your heart. In Christian love, Gary
So do you ever just answer the question or do you just say random versus and get off track to avoid it every time.
Hi Rebecca, Please be specific, were you reading an answer that I give to someone else? Gary
I’ve been saved but I still just don’t see what the problem with sleeping with someone and not having sex or doing anything inappropriate is wrong please explain
Hi Tyler, Did you read the article, it explains it there. Brother Gary
Ecclesiastes 4:11
Easy-to-Read Version
11 If two people sleep together, they will be warm. But a person sleeping alone will not be warm.
Luke 17:34
Berean Study Bible
I tell you, on that night two people will be in one bed: One will be taken and the other left.
You perverts who judge go against Jesus’ command “Do not judge”.
I can’t wait to get out of this twisted world.
Hi Dale,
We are not talking about people who have only one bed to sleep in, as in many parts of the world. We are speaking of two people who are in bed together, as unmarried and put themselves in the way of temptation. Look up Hebrews 13:4. Thanks for your question. Gary
I have a Christian friend in their 60s who had to leave where they were living due to abuse.
She moved in with a man who is an unbeliever and who she once slipped and had sex with while still having her own apartment.
After the slip she told him that they can still kiss and cuddle but no sex.
Now she is going to have her own apartment soon. Its in the same building as this man.
I have a very hard time believing that she is not in sexual immorality.
I’m far from perfect. I lived with my husband before marriage. My husband convinced me we were already married in God eyes. Deep down I never felt right about it and insisted that we get married and of course I repented of my sin. This friend was non judgemental during all of this.
Now, I am able to help my friend financially as she will most likely need to pretty much completely furnish her new apt.
But my question is should i. In God’s word it says we should not even eat with such a one.
I don’t know what to do concerning this situation.
P. S. She couldn’t live at my small highrise senior apartment because no smoking is allowed
My question is should I?
Hi NeedAnswer, Thank you for your question. It is a hard one to answer, only you know what God wants you to do in this situation. I would pray much about it, and then, also, talk to her. Maybe she needs to get married. God will show you as you pray. Brother, Gary
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I understand what the Bible says about sleeping together in the same bed, but what about going on vacation and sleeping with your girlfriend in the same hotel room but different beds?
Hi Rich, What would be wrong with sleeping in two different rooms? Gary
I think you misunderstood my question. I meant sleeping in the SAME hotel room, but in separate bed.
I am a Christian and I have been in search of the answer to whether the act of sleeping in the same bed with my girlfriend is right or wrong. From what I have seen it seems to be neither right nor wrong to sleep in the same bed without having any sexual desires. In my opinion, it is not a sin to sleep in the same bed before marriage if both the male and female are able to have no thoughts of sexual intimacy. Please find me somewhere in scripture where it states that physically sleeping together is wrong, because I have not been able to find anything that says so.
Hi Jake, when a Christian is sleeping in a bed with someone, Christ’s Spirit is with them (because we are the temple of God). I do not understand how a person can claim to be a Christian and think that two people who are not married to each other and yet sleeping in the same bed is pleasing to God!
1 Thessalonians 5:22 quoted above says to abstain from every form of evil. Another version says to “Abstain from the appearance of evil.” Another version says “Avoid all kinds of evil.”
I had a friend whose young teenage son wanted his girlfriend to live at their house because of problems in her home. She agreed, but insisted that the girl was sleeping on the couch, while her son slept in his room. I did not believe it. Neither did any of their friends at school. This had the “appearance” of evil.
” Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
I have read the Bible through many times in my lifetime. I cannot find or recall reading a verse where God tells us to get as close to temptation as we can. In fact, I find just the opposite! “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)
” You have heard that it was said to those of old, y ou shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27,28)
God made males and females to be sexually attracted to each other. The attraction begins when we see someone of the opposite sex, who looks good to us. This is normal. However, when a person spends a lot of time with a person they are attracted to, the looking becomes touching. The touching becomes inappropriate, and then it is hard to stop – and fornication (or sexual immorality) has taken place.
This is because our hormones are controlling us. This is also how some date rapes take place. It may start out innocently, but not everyone uses or has self-control. Even if you are still a virgin, if you are touching the private parts of another person with any part of your body, that is actually part of having sex, it is called sodomy.
Satan will use anything to tempt us and to draw us away from God. Even if we think we can be strong and not give into temptation, Satan has already won because our testimony has been lost. “But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.” (1 Corinthians 8:9)
The only time a Christian should be sleeping in the bed with a person of the opposite sex is when they are married. “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
To what purpose do two people of the opposite sex sleep in the same bed, if not to have sex? Is it for companionship? If they are sleeping, there is not much companionship. Is it for a warm body? Get an extra quilt or a cat or dog!
If there is such a burning desire to sleep in the same bed, then what is keeping them from getting married? If they want to sleep in the same bed, they must believe that God desires them to be together. If not, how do you think the future spouse of one of these people will feel about their sleeping in a bed with another person of the opposite sex?!
God’s desire is that both the man and woman are to be virgins on their wedding night. He desires for us to keep ourselves pure. I know this is not the way of the world, but it is God’s way. “Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, but he who does evil has not seen God.” (3 John 11) I hope this helps, Gary & Marlene Panell
The Bible says to stay away from all evil but you aren’t telling me what is evil about it if you aren’t thinking about sex please explain a little better
Hi Tyler, When people see you sleeping together before marriage you are making them think that you are having sex. Why would you sleep with someone who is not your wife? Brother Gary
Why should one concern themselves with what others think? If you know the truth. God knows the truth. And there is no proof, proving otherwise. Because there are some who go to Church and appear to be devout Christians. Go home and lead a life sin, wife beaters, child molestors, adulterous, thrives. Should we concern ourselves with the appearance?
Hi Ekela, we have to avoid every appearance of evil because this is what God says in 1 Thessalonians 5:22, Ephesians 5:3, etc.
Ok either they have no sex drive then or they already had sex.. who can sleep next to someone they love and NOT want sex… just crazy
Tesl, You are exactly right! That is why we tell people not to sleep together until they are married! I couldn’t have said it better! Brother Gary
Please note: This post is to replace my earlier comment which had some grammatical errors…
Hi guys,
I am a Christian and have been searching for an answer, although with a bit of a twist (I’ll explain). This forum has confirmed that what I know in my hear to be true – that sleeping with someone on the same bed is mainly asking for trouble and it cannot have the best motives accompanying it, at least as far as Christian beliefs go.
I would also like to stress what this verse says,.. Matthew 13:10-11 KJV And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables? [11] He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given…
Let us not stress ourselves with people who refuse to believe. God knows everyone’s heart and has chosen that certain people are not to receive the secrets of his kingdom purely because their hearts are not willing to receive him. The resurrection is not only the most significant moment in all of history, it is also the most proven fact in all of history. It’s one chooses to believe or chooses not to believe. It’s really that simple.
Back to my issue; I bought a love doll (sex doll) last year December because I had broken up with my girlfriend, and couldn’t fathom how I could ever live without having sex until I was married (I am 36 by the way).
So anyway, the love doll was supposed to be my ‘safety net’ so that I don’t get tempted to ever sleep with another human being.. (I know, funny, right?).
At the end of the third month with the doll, I found an article that confirmed that sex with a sex doll and even masturbation are not for the glory of God and hence they too are sin. This left me with a dilemma because I had already spent so much money on the doll…
However, I began to trust what the Holy Spirit is meant to do inside of us and decided that I would go without both sex with the doll and without any masturbation and this is now my third month and I have no more cravings. This is course also requires God’s word on a daily basis (daily bread) as one cannot achieve much without the help of the Holy Spirit.
I am glad to say that I have been delivered from all sexual activity and all forms of lust, including watching any porn. I can testify that in my experience what the world sees as fantasy is truthful. The Holy Spirit is in me and he is alive in me.I have struggled with sex and porn for years for 13 since having my first sexual encounter at 23 and I can now confirm that God has taken care of it for me. It does take a leap of faith in what he can do and such faith cannot be obtained elsewhere but in studying his Word.
I hope my weird story helps someone out there who has struggled with sex, porn and other things that can get us addicted and keep us far away from the grace of ous Lord Jesus Christ.
Regards Max
Hi Max, thanks for sharing, hopefully this will help someone who is going thru what you went thru. Brother, Gary
This is very helpful to me. Thank you. Christian youths need to be taught and aware of these things that we may not displease the Lord.
Thank you Deciami, praise the Lord. Brother Gary
I’m a Christian, I believe that sleeping in a separate bed or not is sin, be a real Christian of God and get Married and sleep in the same bed, how about that, and stop disrespecting God’s word.
Marie Wilson, Thank you, amen. Brother, Gary
Hello,
I don’t really understand why is such a big deal to sleep with someone if you don’t plan to have sex.
Last summer a guy I was dating slept in my bad couples of times, he never tried to take advantages of me and was very respecful of my space, he just slept in my house because he lives far and we would go out often until late.
We never had sex, but since my Christian friends find out about this, they made me feel so guilty of something I wasn’t even thinking of doing (having sex with him), and made this sex topic so big, that I didn’t want to date him anymore, because it would be too stressfull to explain it to my friends that sleeping together does not mean having sex.
Now I understand that sexual immorality, or anything related to sex is a sin, but I don’t understand why in the Christian community having sex before marriage is considered the worst thing that could ever happen to you, forgetting all the other sins possible?
Sometimes I feel like sex shouldn’t be considered as a terrible sin. I know I have sexual diseres, I am old enough to know what I am doing, use protection and expetct to be respected by the guy. I am not vergin anymore and I am not married, as a christian I try to flee from sexual immorlity as the bible says, but sometimes I fall into sexual temptation, I pray about it, but I know that sooner or later I will fall again.
I don’t want to feel guilty and depressed because I cannot control my desires. Why can’t sex just be a normal thing? What’s the difference between having a piece of paper and spending a lot of money on a wedding, that just being with someone you love without any “certificate”?
Hello Vale. Having sex outside of marriage is not the unpardonable sin, but it is a sin. We do not set the standards for Christians. God sets the standards. God’s Word is where we are told how to live for Him. This is the only standard God gives us.
God first of all tells us that He loves us and that He sent His Son to die for us. Jesus is God, and He died in your place and my place on the cross because of sin. “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23
%Christ as your Savior, then when you sin, Christ tells the Father God that He died for that sin. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23
When you sin, you first of all need to repent and ask forgiveness. Repent is to turn and go the opposite direction. The Bible also tells us to flee youthful lusts.
When you sleep in bed with a person of the opposite sex, whether you have sex or not, you are opening yourself up to sin.
The “piece of paper” says that before God you are promising to be with this one person for the rest of your life. You don’t need to spend a lot of money, just enough for the license (piece of paper) and someone to perform the wedding. That “piece of paper” says you are making a commitment–not just when you’re having good times, but for all times.
When you have sex with whoever is convenient, you are not making any kind of a commitment; you’re just trying to make yourself feel good.
You cannot resist temptation on your own. You can only resist through God. That takes reading your Bible every day, praying every day, and attending a Bible teaching church every week.
In Christian love,
Marlene K. Panell
Thank you for
this
opportunity.
I have a
fiancee we
are both
christians
now. but
before we
repented we
have been
living
together and
had a baby
but we lost
our baby. our
both parents
support our
relationship
and everybody
both family
and friends
call us
husband and
wife. but due
to finance i
‘ve not been
able to pay
the dowry.
but hoping to
do so as
soon as
possible.
are we
marriage in
the eyes of
God and will
it still be sin for
us to have
sex at this
stage ?
Hi, Emmanuel, It seems that the dowry system is not working, but since it is the culture where you are, then you need to pay it. If this means not living together until you can afford the dowry, then you will have to do this. Legally, you are not married, but you want to make it legal as soon as you can. God says we are to obey the laws of the land. Marriage is more than just two people having sex together. Don’t go so much on what you parents think and more on what the Bible teaches. Jacob had to pay the dowry, but he was allowed to be with her until he finished paying it. Genesis 29:22-30 Brother, Garry
Hi, Emmanuel, It seems that the dowry system is not working, but since it is the culture where you are, then you need to pay it. If this means not living together until you can afford the dowry, then you will have to do this. Legally, you are not married, but you want to make it legal as soon as you can. God says we are to obey the laws of the land. Marriage is more than just two people having sex together. Don’t go so much on what you parents think and more on what the Bible teaches. Jacob had to pay the dowry, but he was allowed to be with her until he finished paying it. Genesis 29:22-30 Brother, Garry
What’s does the Bible state about a situation like this :
my bf future spouse had sex with other partners before
Hi Sarah, here is some more information from the Bible: Question: How often should I forgive my brother?
Answer: You must be referring to this verse in Matthew where Jesus was asked this same question. “Then Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’” (Matthew 18:21-22)
Jesus was making the point that we should never stop forgiving people because God never stops forgiving us, if we confess our sins in sincerity (1 John 1:9). He says in ‘The Model Prayer,’ that we are to pray-‘And forgive us our debts [trespasses], as we forgive our debtors [those who trespass against us]. ‘For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’” (Matthew 6:12, 14, 15)
We are instructed to forgive people no matter what they have done to us. This is easy to say, but another thing to actually do it, as you know. I am thinking of several times where someone was raped or killed. I am thinking of things people have done to me, or you may be thinking about what has been done to you. You may have even been molested or abused as a child by an adult. So often it is a relative that does this, or a ‘close friend of the family’ who does the abusing. You might be thinking how could anyone forgive such people, or how could I?
Then we come back to what Jesus said, ‘For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ This is strong language, but God means this, and it is a sobering thought. Then as we read on in the same chapter as we started with, where Peter’s question came up; Jesus, with this following parable of the unforgiving servant, goes right to the heart of the matter:
“Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents [for example ten million dollars]. But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children all that he had, and that payment be made.
“The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii [let’s say ten dollars]; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’
“So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘ Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.
“Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.’” (Matthew 18: 23-35)
This story illustrates very well how God through Jesus’ death on the cross has paid our full debt, which is way beyond what we could every pay for our sins. Then should we go out and ‘as it were’ grab people by the throats, and say to them pay up! How can we do this when Christ has forgiven us so much?! How often we do this same sort of thing, that the wicked servant did! God cannot, and will not forgive us, if we will not forgive others!
He says to us, even before we go to have the Communion again, we are to forgive from our hearts all those who have wronged us. “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
St. Paul says about the Communion: “Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body. For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep. For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged.” (1 Corinthians 11:27-31)
Jesus as He was dying on the cross asked the Father to forgive those who were crucifying Him. “Then Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.’” (Luke 23:34) Thus, Jesus left us an example of how we should forgive no matter what! Stephen, the first Christian martyr, as he was being stoned to death gives us an example of how a spirit filled Christians responds to those who sin against them, “.he was calling on God and saying, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not charge them with this sin.’ And when he had said this, he fell asleep.” (Acts 7:59-60)
Yes, only God can help us forgive. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ‘But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons [daughters] of your Father in heaven.’” (Matthew 5:43-45a) We can’t do it in our own strength, but as we pray for people, God will give us the grace to forgive, no matter, or how many times they sin against us!
Thanks for the question,
Gary T. Panell
What’s does the Bible state about a situation like this :
my bf future spouse had sex with other partners before
How does this affect me (the thought of his sexual past is hurtful for me
Personally how do I deal with that )?
How does it affect him ?
Hi Sarah, God says that we are to forget those things that are behind. Look at all that Paul in the book of Acts had to forget, and those around him. As you start your new life together, you will need to forget what he did before, and what you did. Only God can help with this. Then too, you are not to be bringing it up. If you go to Bible-Christian.org you will find many articles on forgiveness in the Q/A section. You could put into the search engine the word ‘forgive.’ Also, here are some verses: Matt. 6:12 in Jesus Model prayer. Here are some more: John 20:23, Ps. 32:1, Luke 7:47, Eph. 4:32, Col. 3:13. God bless you, Gary
Hi again Sarah, here is some more from the Bible on what you asked about: Question: Where can I read in the Bible about the sea called forgetfulness?
Answer: We have had many questions like this since I inadvertently left out the reference, when I mentioned this as being in the Bible. So here is the verse: “Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy. He will again have compassion on us, and will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” (Micah 7:18-19)
It does not actually us the word “forgetfulness,” but this is where the idea comes from.
Someone even asked if God can forget about our sins. My answer is, yes, this is the reason He casts them into the depths of the sea! He chooses to forgive and forget. Yes, it is a figure of speech, because obviously, you can’t take sins and put them anywhere. However, the point God is making is that He forgives and forgets. We need to forget the past when we get saved and move on. We should not go back ‘fishing up’ past sins of our own or our spouses.
This theme of forgiveness is all through the Bible in the Old and New Testament. It is interesting to note that no other religion, not even Islam has this, where God can forgive sins. In Judaism and Christianity we admit we have sinned, and ask God to forgive us. We as Christians know that this forgiveness of sins can only come through the sacrifice of Christ, God’s Son on the cross. Our pardon comes only through the blood of Christ!
When we are forgiven we have these promises in the Old and New Testaments that our sins are gone. There is even a Christian song we sing. “Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone, Yes, my sins are gone. Now my soul is free and in my heart ‘s a song, buried in the deepest sea. Yes, that’s good enough for me. Now I’ll live eternally, praise God, my sins are G-O-N-E, Gone!!!”
Have you received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, if you have you can know for sure your sins are gone. It doesn’t matter what religion you are in now, if you repent (turn from your sins) and ask Christ to come into your heart and life He will save you, and take away your sins. [Look at our tract What Does It Mean to Be Born Again? or What Happened to Shorty?]
Here are more Old Testament verses on the same theme of forgiveness of sins: “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions [sins] from us.” (Psalm 103:12) “Come now, and let us reason together, says the LORD, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Here are some verses from the New Testament: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) “These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God.” (1 John 5:13) [For more on this look at our Romans Bible Study.]
In Christian love,
Gary T. Panell
Thanks
Gary
You are welcome. Gary
I want to know the exact scripture where says not to sleep in same bed as sex or none at all. I know it is wrong to have sex before marriage but just because 2 people are dating but not everyone thinks of sex with partner. If a person thinks of sex or immoral acts s then maybe they need more counseling from Jesus to help. I admit is some that think of it all the time but not all.
Also please tell me if one person here has never slept with another person in bed on vacation or at family house just to have a bed. If 4 people go on vacation non married do they sleep in all separate rooms, separate beds or put someone in floor.
Hi Matt, you are reading too much into what we are saying. There are many examples where there are people who have to sleep in the same room together, but that is not what we are referring to. Think of two people who are not married, sleeping together, with no one else in the room. There is no Bible verse that says, don’t sleep together unless you are married, but it does give principles. Like, flee youthful lusts. If you are not saved, temptation probably is not a big thing to you, but for those who are saved, they want to wait until they are married even when it comes to sleeping together. I hope this helps, Gary
There is absolutely nothing damaging happening with two people sleep at the Same place or even togther.
Ok, I guess you will have to find out the hard way, like many others before you have done. Gary
I acknowledged that I made a mistake by getting a hotel room with one bed to share with a guy because I initially thought I could control myself by resisting temptation. As a result of the mistake, I was too weak and ended up breaking my promise to myself and God to remain abstinent. After it happened I felt so guilty and resented myself for it. Eventually I prayed to ask God for forgiveness and also asked for the strength to forgive myself. I now believe that God has forgiven me and I have also forgiven myself. The guy that I slept with knew that I wanted to remain abstinent but he admitted that he would become celibate with me even though he was physically attracted to me. I understand that I shouldn’t have placed him in that position because I didn’t think about how hard it would have been for him to resist the temptation of staying celibate. After reading your article I am now aware that I will never get in bed again with a guy unless we are married. I am so hurt that we are no longer friends because of what happened. However, I do forgive him and apologized to him. The problem is that he never accepted my apology, asked for forgiveness or acknowledged my feelings of hurt and sadness. This guy really did mean a lot to me and I thought he that he loved and respected me as well. Once he called to tell me that I hurt him and that he never wanted to talk to me again in the future. I was hoping that their could have been some positive reconciliation between the both of us before he walked out of my life. I pray everyday that God would heal his heart and mine as well. I also asked God for his will to be revealed in deciding if me and this guy would ever connect again in the future. I am waiting and trusting on God’s answer to prevail on whether or not we will ever cross paths or become friends again. Right now it’s so hard for me because I just feel so horrible with ending a relationship on negative terms with someone who I really cared for because of a mistake that turned into a sin against God. I just hope that this sin I have committed will not prevent me from recieving the blessing from God of marrying the man that He created me to be with in the future.
Dear Carrie, Thank you for writing to us. Here is a study on forgiveness that I believe you should read. You can also forgive someone else even if they have not forgiven you, as in your case. Please read this and get back to us if you can. Gary and Marlene Panell
Question: Where can I read in the Bible about the sea called forgetfulness?
Answer: We have had many questions like this since I inadvertently left out the reference, when I mentioned this as being in the Bible. So here is the verse: “Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy. He will again have compassion on us, and will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” (Micah 7:18-19)
It does not actually us the word “forgetfulness,” but this is where the idea comes from.
Someone even asked if God can forget about our sins. My answer is, yes, this is the reason He casts them into the depths of the sea! He chooses to forgive and forget. Yes, it is a figure of speech, because obviously, you can’t take sins and put them anywhere. However, the point God is making is that He forgives and forgets. We need to forget the past when we get saved and move on. We should not go back ‘fishing up’ past sins of our own or our spouses.
This theme of forgiveness is all through the Bible in the Old and New Testament. It is interesting to note that no other religion, not even Islam has this, where God can forgive sins. In Judaism and Christianity we admit we have sinned, and ask God to forgive us. We as Christians know that this forgiveness of sins can only come through the sacrifice of Christ, God’s Son on the cross. Our pardon comes only through the blood of Christ!
When we are forgiven we have these promises in the Old and New Testaments that our sins are gone. There is even a Christian song we sing. “Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone, Yes, my sins are gone. Now my soul is free and in my heart ‘s a song, buried in the deepest sea. Yes, that’s good enough for me. Now I’ll live eternally, praise God, my sins are G-O-N-E, Gone!!!”
Have you received Jesus as your Lord and Savior, if you have you can know for sure your sins are gone. It doesn’t matter what religion you are in now, if you repent (turn from your sins) and ask Christ to come into your heart and life He will save you, and take away your sins. [Look at our tract What Does It Mean to Be Born Again? or What Happened to Shorty?]
Here are more Old Testament verses on the same theme of forgiveness of sins: “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions [sins] from us.” (Psalm 103:12) “Come now, and let us reason together, says the LORD, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
Here are some verses from the New Testament: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) “These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God.” (1 John 5:13) [For more on this look at our Romans Bible Study.]
In Christian love,
Gary T. Panell
For more information email [email protected]
Hi Nicole, we received your email a few minutes ago. What you did was sin, but you need to realize that the guy took advantage of you. He was using you for sex and when you told him deny him he wanted nothing more to do with you. You need to realize that when you are forgiveness Jesus does forgive. 1 John 1:9 A man who truly love you and God will forgive and accept you. You need to keep yourself pure and away from compromising situations. “Flee (run away) from youthful lusts.” You need to only go out with someone who is saved and serving God. You will find this person usually at church. Make sure this person respects you with their actions and not just their words. In Christian love, Marlene
Can you tell me when the practice of multiple wives and concubines began and ended ?
Hi Steve, It began in Genesis not long after creation, Genesis 4:23. Then it ended when the Church age began, on the day of Pentecost, 1 Corinthians 7. I hope this helps. Brother Gary
In my situation where sometimes at night I have breathing problems and anxiety attacks and my heart rate increases so I find it hard to sleep alone due to my heart problem cause I always wake up at night and sometimes i need to go to hospital for oxygen and i live in a single room and since I am far away in another country far from my family and I don’t trust anyone other than my boyfriend in my university because I was attacked by my room mate and I have a couch in my room and i sleep on it while he sleeps on the bed we have been together now for 3 years and Im still a virgin and he has his own room in school where his clothes and belongings are there all he does is sleep with me at night and in the morning goes to his room to wash change and go to class he doesn’t have any of his clothes nothing in my room so is it sin if he sleeps with me in my room to take care of me at night? Please help
Hi
also adding to my previous comment I have been living far from home for 4 and a half years now in A county that worships another god without ever going back home or speaking to my parents frequently and it is so difficult to find good holy spirit filled Christians to be friends with and after being attacked by my room mate plus having friend dramas I feel like being alone and having a relationship with God is better and the only person I trust is my boyfriend who helps me financially and also never gets in the way of my relationship with God in fact he encourages me but my problem is sleeping on the same bed at night due to my anxiety attacks, heart problems and trust issues.
Shara, hi, is your boyfriend a Christian, and if so, why aren’t you married to him? Why haven’t you been in contact with your parents? Brother, Gary
His a christian but people have advice me to find a better man who’s spiritually stronger than me so because of that I feel like I need someone stronger. And as for my parents only my dad talks to me but only when he wants to send me money but that as far as it goes my advice and support comes from my boyfriend so is sleeping with him at night a sin?
adding to my previous comment Emotional support and advice like this i normally turn to Gods word the only GOD IS THE ONE i lean on now fully on everyday is GOD and sometimes my boyfriend. For the past 4 years here far from my family and loosing friends and also with people at the school fellowship being so religious its so hard to meet a holy spirit filled person to get advice from cause they so focused on performing and not following the leading of the holy spirit so due to all this over the years I have developed anxiety attacks and heart palpitation problems so my boyfriend stays with me at night but is it sin ? I cant marry him yet cause my dad wants me to get my degree first and maybe masters.
Shara, hi, could I give a verse that should help. Phl 4:6
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;” Also, I wound not go by what people tell you, but as you said what does the Word of God say. It certainly does not say wait until you get a degree to get married. Write when you can. Brother, Gary
Hi Shara, Two verses for you. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:7,8
So what do I do about my situation should i not allow him to look after me at night is it sin ? any advice my brother
Hi Shara, Did I send you an answer yet? Gary
What about in the book of Ruth when Ruth lays at the feet of Boaz? According to this definition, she was a sinner in that situation. I think we need to look at it as being a potentially dangerous thing to do due to it potentially leading to sin and if there is any temptation, or potential temptation it is wise not to even think about doing it, but if there is no potential for temptation, and we have to be honest with ourselves there, the act itself doesn’t appear to be preached against biblically and to say that is adding to the Bible.
Hi Richie, I see what you are saying, but Boaz was in a barn with other people. Ruth was not there to tempt him, nor would he be tempted by this custom that showed him he needed to help her. The Bible does say that sex outside of marriage is a sin, so we are not adding to the Bible. There may be some situations, of course where this would not be a temptation. What we are speaking of, is people getting as close to fire as they can, just for no good reason. We have had several people that have written to us and told us that they did get burnt by have sex when they thought it wouldn’t happen. We are told in Scripture to avoid the very appearance of evil, and that is what we want to do. Thanks for your comment, and God bless you. Brother, Gary
A friend of mine is sleeping at one of his church sisters house…. Yet he doesn’t see as a sin… He keep telling me that so far that they are not sexing each other… What he is doing is no sin…. Me am tired of his behavior don’t know what to tell him…
Hi Andrew, Keep praying for them and speaking to them from the Word of God. At least your soul will be fine. Brother Gary
Is it a sin for two people who are in love sleep in the same house.. just not in the same bed…also with no sex included?…
Thank you…
Kathy
Hi Kathy, Are there any chaperones? How does someone outside the home know you are not having sex? 1 Thess. 5:22 Just asking, Gary and Marlene Panell
My boyfriend goes to our house mostly every weekend. He sleeps over because he lives in a far state, but he sleeps in my brother’s room. My mom and dad are in the house as well. I actually did not think about it before, however, one of my friends had a negative thought about it.
I saw your post saying “How does anyone outside the home know you’re not having sex?”
So it made me think as well.
Is it wrong for him to sleep over in our place?
I hope you can answer. Thanks
Hi Jane, I don’t think it is wrong as long as there is someone there to make sure nothing is going on that shouldn’t be going on. Thanks for your question. Brother Gary
Its wrong because God says its wrong. Get married if you want to cuddle up with someone make it official instead of trying to do something right in your eyes.
That’s true, thank you Melissa. God knows best! Brother Gary
Hi, I am a college student and this article was really helpful in providing truth and clarity to that very question that had been runnjng through my mind for quite a while. Morals become very blurred and hard to stick to in this time in life and I would really apprecite it if you could give me some tips on how to cling to God’s word when His nessage is so prevalently blurred in its interpretation by the people I am surrounded by. I go to a “Christian” university so there are aot of misguided views on what God’s way is. I also would like to know more specifically how to have a relationship pleasing to God if we are too young to get married any time soon but at a time where marriage is a real possobility; how can a couple stick to their intentions of following what God wants them to do when the temptation to go against God’s way gets intensified? Also, is there a way to redeem the relationship if it has become sexually immoral, and if so how would one go about it?
I am so sorry for all of the questions, but thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope you can answer some or all of it. Thank you!!
Hi Cameron, You have some great questions. I don’t know if you have had a chance to go to the question and answer section on Bible-Christian.org. We do have a lot of questions just like you asked. These are listed by subjects. Also, at the end of the answers there are recent comments. When I get a chance I would like to answer these questions that you have as well. Let me know if this helps, Brother Gary
Bro u all need to chill. You all have made mistakes get on with ur lives and Gary u r rlly focused on how sleeping with someone else but having no sex is wrong. Must be bc u like to tell ppl how they r screw ups… Pretty sure God will truly know if we don’t have sexual thoughts and sleep with someone when ur not married. But otherwise, this site is pretty helpful. Thx Gary
Josue, hi, you need to understand that that is how many people ended up having sex. No, they didn’t think it could happen to them, but it did.
So we warn people, we don’t just say, ok, get as close to the fire as you want. Thanks for your understanding. Brother, Gary
Hi. I’d like to ask
I’ll go to vacation with my boyfriend, and his siblings that already married ( 2 married couples —exclude me &my boyfriend) . We are ordering 3 hotel rooms.
Is it okay if i sleep with my boyfriend in the same room hotel but different bed? ( twin separate bed)
At first I want to sleep with his sister but she can’t because she should sleep with his husband & child. Please i need your advice. Thank you
Hi Monica, How close to the fire do you want to be? Brother Gary
Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years he recently stated he didn’t want to have any more sex before marriage but still wants us to live together. He States masterbation is ok and what we are doing is not a sin. He quotes scripture to me about fornication and says that us living together and sleeping in the same bed is ok. Please help
Hi Danielle, What do you know in your soul to be right? Gary
I just came across your website, and I enjoyed reading the great information that you had provided. I am a muslim from the old country. I have seen how faith could differ from region to another, and country to another. At the old country, people seems more faithfully worship God with passion, and other regions they just worship superficially, and that goes to all faiths, and not only Christians. By the way a dog, or a cat should not share the bed with us.
I bid you peace
Hi Ghassan, Thanks for writing. If you have a cell phone you would like the Gideon Bible App. It is free to down load, and you can put the Bible in your own language. Just go to the App Store and find the free Gideon Bible App. Brother, Gary
I was really struggling to understand whether it was wrong to sleep with my boyfriend even if we are not having sex…I thought it was innocent but now I know that its a trap to fall into temptation…thank you
Hi Katrina, I’m glad this helped. Brother Gary
Is it a sin to sleep together if your engaged
Hello Robert, Yes, it is a sin, according to the Bible, to have sex before marriage even if you are engaged. Here are some Scriptures: 2 Timothy 2:22; 3 John 11; 1 Thessalonians 5:22, just to name a few. Thanks for the question. Brother Gary
I do not personally like the translated term “youthful lusts”. Why use the word “youthful” specifically , when God created us intentionally to have these sexual desires at a certain point in our youth? Any person of any age can lust. The age of sexual maturity happens near the age of when people in biblical times got married, which is what makes it harder to flee fornication specifically in our modern day. I hope that believers can find a way to teach young Christians the good in how they were sexually created and to not be afraid of it while also teaching them to be able to flee from lust. I’m not sure if this is possible sadly, but it hurts to know that sexually mature Christian young adults have to fight their biological urges for years before they get married in today’s society; and many of them are taught that their urges are shameful and sinful to have, when they can’t control the fact that they were created to have them. It’s when the urge is an entertained thought that it is lust, which is why I don’t think “youth” should be placed in front of lust, since any person of any age can have lustful thoughts, but none of us can control the biological fact that we were divinely created with sexual natures. Apart from that, this thread seems to be very helpful. Thank you to all who have shared their thoughts and verses and encouragements!
Hi Lauren, Thank you for your comments, even though I can’t agree with you totally. We can agree to disagree. Brother Gary
Personally I have slept in the same bed as my girlfriend and we have not had sex since we are both Christians. If you truly are a believer the temptation will not overcome you and I’m not going to quote the Bible because the majority who have are the same type of people Jesus had to deal with who used his words to make him out a liar.
God tells us to flee from youthful lusts. You don’t try to get as close to the fire as you can, sooner or later you will get burnt. Wake up before it is too late! Brother Gary
From what I just read that means I’ve already broken my virginity…. I agree but I’m 23years of age and had my first sex just this past Sunday … I’m a good Christian a Catholic to be precise I know what I did was wrong but I couldn’t control it anymore so I did it but is there anyway I can reconnect with God …thought I don’t feel his presence has left me …I still feel his presence around me and worship him most of the hours of the day since this happened … I love the girl soo much and she loves me too
Hi Isaac, If you really love her, you will marry her. Brother Gary
please i really don’t get your answer to the question: i mean am a born again christian and ever since i gave my life to christ i haven’t had sex with anyone,recently i had a house issue and am not in my country as a stranger in another country i have a male friend whom i see as a brother from my country too due to my issues we sleep in same house and on one bed because there is no other place to sleep and he respects me and has never touched me also,we pray together and most times we do midnight prayers together but its my habit to pray at least 1 hour every midnight but i manage to get a new apartment and moving in tomorrow. so my question is am i destroying the temple from sleeping on same on same bed with someone whom i have never lust after?
Hi Chioke Caroline Clare, You have not destroyed your temple (your body). The reason we have this article is for people not to find themselves getting close to temptation. Maybe one could sleep on the floor or sofa. Maybe you could get another bed. The idea is to stay as far away from the ‘fire’ of temptation as possible. You may not be tempted, but men are. I hope this helps. Brother Gary
But Jesus said in Luke 17:34, I tell in that night there shall be two men in one bed
Hi Kevin, In many cultures around the world people sleep in the same bed because that is all they have. When we were growing up sometimes we had to sleep in the same bed together, that is all we could afford to do. There is nothing sexual in these passages. Gary
I came across this post and I realize now where I went wrong. Instead of running from temptation I got closer to it, i am just so hurt and upset with myself. Because I know now more than ever that I really messed up.
I’ll sum up what has happened. So my parents were strong Christians. I grew up knowing who God was and well knowing the correct way to live my life. This is very hard to talk about I haven’t talked this out with anyone, but this last year has been the toughest year of my life. This is the year where I’ve struggled the most. My parents got divorced after 19 years of marriage (which was finalized last month), so it is very fresh. But it wasn’t a divorce that was agreed on, my father walked out on us and cut all communication with us. He lied and cheated on my mother. He had a separate life we had no clue existed. this happened just after my 17th birthday. It hit me hard especially, Because this is when I began to struggle with doubt towards God, constantly asking how he allowed my father to do such a thing to us. My father lived a fake life faking to love Jesus and that was Just Unbelievable to me, i started questioning everything.
My whole 17th year I was trying process everything that had happened I was also trying to Figure out college and life as it was. I was just very confused.
I thought things were looking up when I got into college in my hometown. And I Met this guy through a mutual friend I thought things really were getting better. He seemed so sweet, and he was so understanding about my father because he had gone through something similar. when I turned 18 I was allowed to date. But The problem was he wasn’t a Christian. And I knew that an unequally yoked relationship isn’t advised. But I thought I could convert him. He said he was willing to Go to church with me. Anyway fast forward the relationship. I let him know what my thoughts were on premarital sex, because he had asked. He Said he respected my thoughts. Turns out he Didn’t care. He coerced me into having a sexual relationship. I wasn’t ready for that. He was forceful. It happened twice in a weekend, Friday and Sunday. And I knew that it was all he wanted me for.
That Monday After, I fell to the ground with Guilt. I felt such a pain deep within me that I couldn’t stand, I had looked at myself in the mirror and it was as if God looked at me through my eyes and I felt the sadness he felt. I knew it was wrong. I gained enough courage to tell my youth leader That I had fallen into sin. I then told my mother and the pastors of the church. I was put on discipline for 4 months. The relationship with the boy was very tough. My mom made him come to our house. She made me break up with him which I did. He was very manipulating, he would not let it end. He would call me crying He made me feel as if everything that had happened was my fault. He said we needed to try again he would say that it was my mom who didn’t want to see us happy. And I believed him. He ended up telling me that he wanted me to move in with his family. When I told my mother what I was planning on doing. I saw her break down. And I realized within me that, the way I was speaking was not me at all. And it hit me. I was being manipulated. And I was in a toxic relationship I needed to let go of before it got worse. I broke up with him again. He wanted to keep a friendship and I agreed to do so. He then started to get really disrespectful trying to make me feel worthless. So I decided I just needed to block him out of my life completely. and I did I left him with no explanation or anything. All this happened around October. It is December now.
I struggle with so much guilt and pain. I know God forgives me and I know he still loves me I know this because he tells me so through his word. I’m just so damaged, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I can’t sleep That’s my biggest problem. The memories and thoughts keep me up. I’m praying and seeking God more. But for some reason I still feel unworthy. There is so much I struggle with. That sadly I can’t share with anyone but God. I tell him everything I struggle with. So I just ask you to help me in prayer. I know God has a bigger plan for me and I know this isn’t an obstacle I can’t get over. This one is just the toughest so far and I don’t want to give up. God is the only one whose never left me. He is the only one who hasn’t caused me any pain. I just needed to share this with someone I needed to let it out. Im sorry about sharing all of this. Just, Thank you. May God keep using your life.
Dear Liz.
My name is Katie and I read your story. Thank you for sharing it with Gary’s Ministry, for he and his wife have such a loving heart towards doing Gods will and they have both been a blessing to me.
Gary told me that he felt God’s impression to share your story with me. I believe it is because my testimony can help you see God in the midst of your pain right now.
Once I was lost and confused and now I am able to share my testimony of Jehovah’s faithfulness. He never let me go once I returned to him. Now I can reach out to others like yourself that need healing.
My heart cries for your heart, for I have experienced some of your pain. I understand, I had similar things happen to me.
I grew up believing in the fairy tale that men would protect me, not use me and definitely not throw me away for another woman. I believed that I was special and would be treated as such. My dad treated me special, I looked like his mother.
That fairytale crashed when at 12 I was molested by one of my family members, at 15, I was pushed into sex through manipulation, 16 found out that my father had been cheating on my mother with numerous women and then throwing them in her face as though they were better than her. Then at 17, I was raped by two men because I was beautiful they said.
Not to mention ….At the age of ten my uncle died by committing suicide, I blamed God because my uncle came over for a few minutes before driving away to buy the gun. I said IF only you had told me God that he was going to take his life, I could have stopped him and he would not be in hell right now.
You see I grew up Baptist and that is what they believed about suicide, so I was in such torment as a ten year old. God in his mercy gave me a dream about my uncle and showed me where he will wind up someday and it will be heaven …I had peace every day after that..about my uncle….then all of those other bad things happened.
So to me, men were horrible towards woman and they were the opposite of what I believed them to be and I blamed Jehovah for them being that way.
I couldn’t believe that Jehovah would put men over us women and wanted us to humbly submit to them when they were liars, manipulators, cheaters and users.
***My dad cheating on my mother taught me that men wanted devils in the bedroom and an angel on their arm. She told me the type of women he chose. They were loose women, not pure ones. My parents would eventually get divorced after 40 years because my father just couldn’t stop cheating and my mother was tired of being alone. This devastated me because I had prayed that God would fix their marriage.
I grew up hating men…all the men that I trusted had failed me including God because his word had told me that he would keep me safe while I was sleeping Well, when I got molested it was in the middle of the night while I was sleeping ….so you guessed it. I called God a liar and turned away from him, so the more men hurt me the more I hated God but I didn’t realize that it was hatred towards him…I knew that I was mad at him. I thought he hated me because of all the bad things that I had done.
I grew up so confused about this world that we live in and the spiritual realm and how God helps us and how a word from the Bible could help me? I was so lost, angry and I blamed God because he brought me into this world.
All that I wanted was my fairytale. What I was living was Hell and torment and I believed that God had his favorites. I wasn’t one of them.
I went from a bright eyed four year old little girl that prayed at night that Jesus would come sleep with me and protect me, to an angry teenager, adult and woman that was ready to commit suicide at the age of 26.
However God had another plan to intercede on my behalf, he sent me a man that didn’t want sex from me just a date, he began to ask me questions about myself which made me uneasy. I had such guilt, shame, fear and condemnation in my heart.
You could see the light of God shine through his eyes as he spoke about God’s love for me and all I could feel is that he could possibly see all my shame that I was living in. I couldn’t look him in the face because of my shame…The only thing he kept telling me, no matter what I said to him was go back to God, he loves you so much!
That night I returned to God and actually learned his name was Jehovah in Exodus 6:3 KJV, 3 And I appeared unto Abraham, unto Isaac, and unto Jacob, by the name of God Almighty, but by my name JEHOVAH was I not known to them. God also taught me these things:
First that I had called him the liar and needed to repent. This is what the Pharisees did to Jesus. You see I didn’t call Jesus a liar, I believed in Jesus, but I called the word of God a liar. It is all a trap from the enemy to steal our salvation.
Mark 3:28-30 King James Version (KJV)
28 Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme:
29 But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.
30 Because they said, He hath an unclean spirit.
He showed me that I couldn’t believe in Jesus and not his word because Jesus was the Word come in the flesh. I was binding his hands by my unbelieving heart.
2 Corinthians 4:4
4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
Matthew 12:29
29 Or else how can one enter into a strong man’s house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house.
John 10:10
10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
God showed me that I needed to forgive these men including my father and mother
Matthew 18:21-35
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.
Hebrews 12:15
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
There it was…this is why I was so tormented day and night…I had not forgiven any of them for what they had done to me. It was a root of bitterness that had grown in my heart. So now what do I do?
God’s word showed me what to do….I had to pray for them to be blessed…WHAT!!!
Matthew 5:44 King James Version (KJV)
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; I have to tell you that the thought of blessing these men and everyone else who hurt me was like chomping on sharp nails. I cried so hard because I was so angry at what they had done to me, I blamed them for all of my hurt.
I told God if they hadn’t molested, raped and used me I could have had a chance at a good life just like everyone else.. I couldn’t understand how blessing them was going to change how I felt or what they had done to me …God reminded me that his word was not contingent upon how I felt ,but based off of who he is and his love for us all. He just wanted me to trust him and follow him….so I did. Tears and all..
I prayed that God would forgive me for judging my dad that he was a horrible husband to my mom. I judged that my dad was using money as a payoff to my mother for not being able to give her the love that she so needed and desired. I judged that my father was a cold man and didn’t know how to love.
The only time that I ever saw him cry was when my mother forced me to tell him that I had been raped, so I blamed myself for his tears. I resented her for forcing me to tell him. I judged that if he would have been a Godly man, husband and father then all of us woman would have known what it was like to be loved and I wouldn’t have gone out looking for love in all of the wrong places. I asked God to forgive me for whatever judgements that he was bringing up in me about my father.
I judged that my father looked down on me because of my failed relationships. In fact he made fun of me a lot saying that I don’t want the good guys I just want the bad ones. I resented him for his mockery. I had to ask God to forgive me for judging that he was a bad father and then I had to go ask my father to forgive me for judging him. This was hard for me to do but I did…I felt the shame on my face as I told him that I had judged him and that I was sorry.
I told him that God told me that I had dishonored him through my judgements. It was through my repentance that my father was able to share his heart with me that he had never meant to hurt me with his jokes and he told me that he just wants to see me happy. There was a healing that happened that day, but I had to walk through the shame to get it. Eventually because I did what the word had told me to do the shame came off of me and I no longer felt any guilt…it was amazing I did not get into specifics unless he asked me how I judged him. I think that I told him about me judging him for using his money to buy off my mother. Anyway, repent with the words the Holy Spirit gives you…it is always spirit led when we are repenting to the ones that we have hurt.
I prayed that God would bless my dad with salvation, true love because this was after he was divorced with my mother, I prayed for his healing, I prayed that he would find peace, joy and happiness. I prayed this same prayer every day until God lifted that heaviness off of me and I truly did forgive my dad.
I prayed that God would forgive me for judging my mother and hating her for using me as a middle person between her and my father. I judged that she was trying to destroy my image that I had of my father. I judged that she was cruel for blaming me for my own rape and I judged that she hated me because she was always trying to tell my dad how bad that I was. I had judged that she was jealous of my relationship with him and wanted to destroy it.
Then I had to go and ask her to forgive me for my judgements. I think I shared more of my judgements with her because she asked a lot of questions. We both cried as she explained her reasoning’s behind all the things that she did and said. She told me that she never meant to hurt me. There was healing that day but again…I had to walk through the shame of telling her how I had judged her…
Then every night I prayed that God would bless her with salvation, true love, healing, peace, joy and happiness and that God would forgive me for sinning against them as they had sinned against me and I prayed that they would forgive me as well…I prayed this daily until God lifted that heaviness off of me and I truly did forgive her for hurting me.
I finally saw my parents as 2 people that were trying to raise children in the midst of a broken relationship and truly believed they did the best that they could .My father was raised without knowing what love was and he grew up believing that it was having all of those come get me feelings and when he lost them he believed it wasn’t real love.
Another testimony: Another test….but I am passing…because I am forgiving again =)
So now that I had found forgiveness for my parents when I became 50 , I married a man that wound up cheating on me. He was a critical man just like my father was to my mom. He said some very vile things to me and called me a lot of bad names. He tried so hard to cause me to doubt who I was in Christ, but God didn’t let him move who I was. But he did break my heart.
What he did cause me pain in …is that I finally got to understand why my mother has had such a difficult time forgiving my father. My husband went out and found a girl online that was the opposite of me. She had no restrictions in the bedroom and she posted it all over Facebook.
He didn’t tell me that he had met someone and replaced me, he let her blast a post on Facebook that they were getting married and had her picture kissing my husband.
The sad thing is I didn’t know he had left me because though he was not in the house for 6 weeks his stuff was still at the house and he text me every day. I thought that he was just having a standoff of emotions but he would go to God and it would be fixed. That’s not what was happening…
So to make a very long story short. This devastated me I tried to take him back and forgive him but he kept doing it so I knew that I had no choice but to divorce him for adultery.
She rubbed my face in her relationship with my husband…even told me sexual positions that he did to her and how she liked it….she had an evil spirit …she just wanted him no matter who she hurt…I began to realize that he had the same spirit that she did and they had more in common than me and him and there was no use fighting anymore. They were children of the flesh and I was a child of the light.
The devils intention was to manipulate me into becoming that dirty girl all over again from my youth so that he could steal my testimony of purity.
Jehovah didn’t let that happen when he removed his spirit from me trying to work things out with my husband, I finally let go. I was devastated, I wanted Jehovah to fix my marriage and I thought that as long as I hung in there that there was a chance of restoration.
He was not that Godly man that he had claimed to be when I married him and I was not going to continue to let him defile my soul with his rebellion to God and the demons he was transferring to me from her sexually were nasty. I could feel their presence …
The only thing that was happening was I was a fool to believe that he loved me enough to change. God showed me that my husband honored him with his lips but his heart was far from him…I knew that if Jehovah’s presence was gone only bad things were coming..
I had no idea that my words had come back to me “that a man wanted a devil in the bedroom and an angel on his wing.” The Holy Spirit reminded me of my saying …he showed me that I reaped what I had believed…He showed me my judgement on my dad…
I was devastated to find out that this marriage was all a test sent from the enemy, my husband pretended to be a man of God when in fact God proved him to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Jehovah showed me that I reaped my judgements against my mom and dad and that the generational curse of divorce is now cut off…in Jesus name…
SOOOOOOOOO……I divorced him and started praying the same prayer for him and her every night that God would forgive them for hurting me and that they would forgive me for hurting them and that God would forgive us all for sinning against him…
I pray that they find repentance and find salvation and truly get to know Jehovah. I pray that they will find their true love, I pray that they will have a home and find peace and joy…in Jesus name….just like before.. every day that I pray this I am getting free again….because the devil cant steal from me since I know the truth of God’s word works when we do what he tells us to do….
I do pray for you that you will find repentance and forgiveness to your father and anyone else that has hurt you. If you just do what the word tells you to do you will find freedom and you will have a testimony to share with others just like I do.…JUST remember don’t let your feelings stop you…this is what the devil will try to use against you….I got healed in three months the first time….this time will probably be the same…for I feel a lot better already…and its only been two months since I left him…
Prayers for you, You can do this !!! Jehovah is amazing and he will
Katie J. walk you through it using his word!!
Thank you so much, your testimony is very impactful. God knows why he placed this page in my search for help. God is using your life to help others. Your testimony really helps me understand that forgiveness is real. It is achievable. I don’t want to drown in my sadness and guilt, what has happened does not need to control who I am. As long as I walk with the lord, I will become stronger. Again thank you so much for your words, I appreciate you reading my story and hearing me out with this difficult topic. May God bless you.
For years I went from church to church trying to understand how to forgive because I just kept hearing you have to forgive those who hurt you, but when I thought of forgiveness…I thought of eating sharp nails and chewing on them .
I didn’t know that the devil would use my feelings to keep me from doing the word of God because IF I believed the word of God then change would happen and I would have a testimony…Finally while reading the word of God the Holy spirit showed me the scripture for healing…he was so gentle as he lead me to pray with him…He is the type of man that I pray he will give me for a husband some day. I cant wait to hear your testimony Liz !! So excited!!!
Hi Katie and everyone else out there reading this, God is still a miracle working God. Praise Him! Brother Gary
God is so good, he continues to work in my life. He has placed me in the right place at the right time, only God knows how much I needed that motivational word. Thank you, and God bless.
Thank you Liz, God bless you!
As a minister there is nothing in any of the Bible’s about sleeping in the bed together (without sex) . This is a man made law, however with sleeping in bed together can lead to fornication which is a sin. Against God. Read theologians Many of you misinterpret scripture and thus add to the word saying it’s a sin-which is a sin. Thou shall not add or take away anything scripture that is a sin, but to lead on and use misinterpretation of a scripture truly is corrupt and false leading . Hope this helps
God Bless!
Question: I was reading the entries on sleeping together but not having sex and I am sad because it is true. I did not get burnt completely, but I sort of did. We sort of did, and now I feel very bad. I don’t know how to go past this. I am truly ashamed, and I said those words, I have self-control. I am still a virgin, but I am scared to think of how far we let things go. I have asked God for forgiveness, but how can I forgive myself?
Answer: I am glad that you have realized that God can and does forgive your sin when you sincerely ask for forgiveness. A Christian needs to continually go back to 1 John 1:9, 10. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.”
Notice verse 10. It says that we have all sinned. (This passage was written to Christians.) God does not say that one sin is greater than another. He doesn’t look at a person’s sin to decide if He will forgive or not. He tells us to confess our sins (no matter what they are), and He will forgive them.
Once you have asked Jesus into your heart, then when God looks at you, He sees His Son, Jesus. Jesus is perfect. You are justified (just as if you had not sinned). Verse 9 says that once you confess your sins, that God forgives you. Not only does He forgive you, He also cleanses you from all unrighteousness. That means that He puts you in right standing with Him.
When the woman who was caught in adultery was brought to Jesus, He did not condemn her. Instead He said that He did not condemn her, but to go and sin no more. “When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, ‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.’” (John 8:10, 11)
If God does not condemn you, how can you condemn yourself? After Jesus tells His disciples how to pray, He says something very interesting. “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14, 15)
Yes, you will probably always remember and regret what you have done, but you do not have to live in condemnation. “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:17)
Satan would love to have you not be an effective witness because you cannot forgive yourself. Unforgiveness only hurts you. “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
Here are some other questions on the same topic: Christian dating, courting, and struggles with lust; Is it alright for two Christians to live together without being married?; I am a Christian teenager; Is it o.k. for me to spend the night with my boyfriend; Our friends are allowing their son and his girlfriend to live together; and What does the Bible say about a Christian lady sleeping in the same bed with her boyfriend, but they don’t have sex?
If you have any more questions, feel free to write again. Remember God has forgiven you. Ask God to help you forgive yourself, and then go live a victorious life!!
In Christian love,
Marlene Panell
For more information email me.
If we’ve confessed and repented of this to each other and to God, is that enough, or should we also confess to the church?
We are no longer dating (bc of something else-not for this reason) but are still good friends.
Hi Allexis, 1 John 1:9 does not say you have to confess this to the church, but to God. Brother, Gary
What about the case of a 28 year old married daughter sleeping (and cuddling) non-sexually with her 68 year old mother? Husband is not happy about this. But “they have been doing it for years before marriage”. Prior to marriage, this may have been necessary due to daughter’s night seizures.
Hi Aaron, I would agree with you Aaron, this seems wrong and unnecessary, because the wife should leave her father and mother and be made one with her husband. Thanks for the insight and comments. Brother Gary
I disagree. I share an apartment with my ex-girlfriend, we’ve been just friends for a few years now. We have to live under the same roof in order to survive, to have a roof over our heads and are living far below the poverty line. There is no help available to us and can’t afford to move anywhere – either separately or together. It’s a one bedroom apartment with one bed and we’re mostly on different sleeping schedules (there’s overlap of about two or three hours when we’re both asleep in it.
She doesn’t list after me in any way and I don’t lust after her either. I don’t think of her naked and don’t ever think of her in any sexual ways. It is a pure and plutonic relationship. How are we living in sin? Others who know us – which are few in number and they all understand we are only friends so they aren’t assuming we are intimate. So there’s no appearance of evil either. So in a case like mine you’re flat out wrong, we aren’t living in sin.
Hi Bailey, your arguments are with the Word of God, not us. Gary and Marlene Panell